Saturday, January 28, 2017

Move Over PewDiePie!

I'm movin' on up!

Several of my most recent uploads on my YouTube Channel have been gaming vids, mostly from the very popular Planet Coaster of late. And because of this, my viewership and subscriber roll is climbing.

That's right Bitches! I got 68 subscribers! Woo Hoo! I'm gonna be the king of gaming YouTube channels. Yeah.

Um, but I guess I have a bit of an arduous climb ahead of me in that journey.

PewDiePie, in case you don't already know, is currently the most popular (by viewership and subscriptions) on YouTube. Let's see, as of this writing...let me check...he has: 52,759,278 subscribers. He reportedly makes over 12 million dollars a year and has an estimated net worth (from just 6 years or so of videos as well as the sponsorships and side-deals like books and likely speaking engagements) of about $65,000,000. And this is accounting for the over 50% income tax bracket (Sweden).

So yeah, if you want to watch some lame ass old fuck struggling through games drunk as all hell or some tours of simulated theme parks, go for it. So like they say, comment, like, subscribe...(and make me rich!)

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Creeping Out Of The Facebook Woodwork

So I've noticed a phenomenon unfolding over the past few weeks and like the election itself, I'm dumbfounded by the fact that apparently I never really knew many of my friends.

Friends I've known for years, nay decades, and whom I've always considered, like me, to be smart, logical and most of all sane. They've started posting Pro-Trump confessions on Facebook!


Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I only have friends who are uber-liberals like me. I have many who lean conservative in some ways. But in this election, as I see it, it's more than just the divide between liberal and conservative viewpoints. It is literally, in my humble and quite experienced opinion as a mental health professional, the difference between sane and insane. There, I've said it. That's right. If you are a Trump supporter, I consider you to be crazy. Clinically and probably dangerously crazy.

The shocker I'm experiencing is seeing pro-Trump shit or anti-protester stuff being spewed forth on the internet by friends of mine that were down-right hippy-dippy leftists.

My friend Wayne, who I admit, since becoming a family man in the late nineties has grown more and more conservative as the years have gone by. But this guy was my bestie roommate in the early nineties. We were two "wild and crazy guys" at the clubs. But we weren't trying to hook up with the "foxes" like the Czech brothers characters of early SNL fame, no we were after the "D." Yes, by "D" I mean dick.

As I've remarked on this blog in FLASHBACKS and other posts, he was quite the flamboyant queen too. He was the most socially liberal person I've ever known. But now...he posts on his Facebook timeline about God and Family and shit. Of course his family is made up of his male significant other and their two adopted kids but they nevertheless probably all fold hands and say grace before meals like any God-fearin' devout straight family would. He hasn't come right out and admitted he voted for Trump but he didn't seem to like Hillary and I don't think he "felt the Bern" so...

Other friends are more forthright and defensive about their sudden Trump insanity.

Claudia, the woman who took me into her house as a friend of our mutual friend Chris back in 97. Just after the New London Syndrome. Remember, the crazy house with, at times, 5 adults, 1 child, 8 cats and 1 dog. Yeah that house. She was a late-nineties flower child-like fag hag in-training. Fast forward to this week and she's chanting with the rest of the Reverend Sun Myung Trump and his Wackjob Loonies "Make America Great Again!"

Patricia, one of the Veritas Ol' Gang back from my days at Symantec. I seem to remember she was very enthusiastic about Obama becoming President. Guess that enthusiasm waned over the years. Or, maybe someone smacked her over the head and caused brain damage making her into a bat shit crazy lady 'cause now she's been sippin' the Trump Kool-Aid and blasted out at her Facebook friends who are against "Fearless Leader" (no she didn't call him that but it sounds like she might think it).

These are just a few examples and only of the friends I have on Facebook. I've been shocked by revelations of Trump Fever plaguing co-workers who I thought were sane as well.

It's like some weird Twilight Zone episode where you slowly find out that nobody is who you thought they were.

Or maybe, just maybe, especially in light of the Russian hacking involved in this whole mess, that it's like the Charles Bronson movie "Telefon." The plot of the action-suspense film is simple yet chilling...average everyday Americans, living normal average ordinary lives, suddenly get a phone call and the caller says a line from a Robert Frost poem and it triggers a deeply buried identity embedded in their subconscious years earlier. They're all Soviet sleeper agents and the phone call activated a Manchurian Candidate style program wired in their mind sending them on suicide missions to sabotage American military and infrastructure to ready the country for a surprise invasion by the Soviet Union.

It sounds crazy, but maybe that's it. But in this plot, the sleeper agents help the Russians install a puppet leader but only to end up with the same final result: invasion and conquest of the United States of America.

Well I better start brushing up on my Russian now. It's just a matter of time now.


Saturday, January 21, 2017

And It's Begun

Not even twenty four hours has passed since he became president (this author will never capitalize that title for him) and the fascist repression has already begun.

Pardon me but I believe I hear stormtroopers at my door.

Fasten Your Seat Belts...

Yesterday a monumental event occurred that will go down in history. It wasn't wholly without prediction, but it was a surprise nevertheless. And it came to fruition, once the wheels were set in play, very, very quickly.

What does this all mean? Are we in more peril now? We've been so safe for so many years and now we will all need to be aware of this great change that  has occurred as of yesterday, a date that will live in infamy, January 20th, 2017.

That's right people. I'm talking about one thing, and one thing only...


I kid of course, Ric isn't that bad of a driver (if sober, of course). I rode in his new car yesterday since he bought it at a nearby dealership and visited me afterwards. It's a 2000 Lexus ES 300. Despite its age, it does look pretty good, rides smoothly and for a 17 year old car has only about 126,000 miles.

Of course I had to rib him just a little bit as I sat in the passenger seat and pointed out the installed cassette player and lighter/ashtray features...relics of the 20th century no longer extant in, I think, all car models for the past decade at least. I asked him if he should play "The Thong Song" or "Living La Vida Loca" (two popular songs from the year 2000).

He remarked on the car's ride how it felt a lot like the Oldsmobile that he and Gary fought over, to which I pointed out was, ironically, back around the year 2000.

It was fun but also a little worrying (the latter feeling I kept under wraps) watching him act like a teenager with his first car today. Not being able to have one for several years will do that. I know. My worries stem from the fact that his life lately has seemingly slipped down a notch or two in the risk avoidance category.

I mean, just a year ago Ric appeared he was practically tenured in his job which was close to home reducing potential absences due to transportation issues. Now he has no job (though he says he'll be starting at his new one in a month from now) no health insurance and is living off his 401K cash out. His new job is on I-Drive which is a car-only commute on construction-riddled, traffic jam-packed I-4 on which he'll be crawling along in the beaming Florida sun on a 17 year old engine.

Hey, take it from me, I know you gotta do what you gotta do when the chips are down. Koyos aren't fun. Sure, they make you simplify things. Forcibly. And that can be cathartic and allow for personal growth in readjusting one's life goals and priorities. But man it can be fuckin' rough.

I wish Ric all the best though. He's a good soul, so to speak, and has so far been lucky enough to keep things afloat through all manner of trials all these years I've known him (which is going on 20 years, BTW). I think he'll be fine.

Oh, but do still metaphorically fasten your seat belts folks 'cause Trump's our president now and we're in for a fuck of a bumpy-ass ride!

Sunday, January 15, 2017

The Blueberry Torte Incident

I woke up "this morning" (which in "my speak" means last night) from a quite disturbing remnant of a dream I was having. I remembered the snippet scene of the dream very clearly and the feelings it inspired were still very much present.

This phenomenon has happened to me before. Has it happened to you? You dream something, then wake up and you're still feeling the emotions brought on by the dream events. Last time it happened to me, I was dreaming about an argument I had in my dream with my father. I woke up, of course the dream ended and I realized it was just a dream, but I still very much felt my heart racing and adrenaline pumping. I was still super pissed off at my dad. Yet it was because of events that never occurred. I logically knew that and realized it was related to the dream events but it still took quite a while for my body responses to calm down. That's how REAL it felt.

This "morning" (aka 8:00 pm last night or so) was exactly like that previous event. Only this time it wasn't my father and I having an argument and me feeling the after-effects, it was a weird little comment my Aunt Connie (my mother's aunt on her mother's side) made in my dream.

First of all let me clarify a few things. My Aunt Connie would never be addressed as "aunt" especially so due to the fact that she was of my grandmother's generation since she was my maternal grandmother's sister. So what's that in English...a Great Aunt I guess? But being brought up in a French-Canadian family, she was referred respectfully as Ma Tante Connie. And apparently, in our family, this carried-down honorific was last reserved for this generation.

My father's sister, Ruth, was never referred to as Ma Tante Ruth although she was indeed that. I think, as far as I can remember, this may have been her preference since she was of the second generation immigrant, along with her brother, my father, who may have tried to assert themselves as American first and foreigner second. This would have been especially more prevalent during the years of their maturation in the midst of the McCarthy-era 1950s when conformity to an idealized, if not outright biased and racist "norm" was fore and front.

Anyway, in my dream, I was at some sort of gathering. At first I didn't recognize it as a family gathering. I just focused on the many delicious food options available. Among these were some crumbles of chocolate mint desert which could be added to coffee. As I reached for this though, it seemed it had somehow changed to crumbles of blueberry torte.

I then noticed that my Ma Tante Connie was seated at the table near me across from my mother. I remarked out loud "Oh, Blueberry Torte! I haven't had this for a while." Connie immediately shoots me a look of death and says: "We will not speak about that!"

Confused, I ask her why. "You embarrassed me greatly with the blueberry torte at Thanksgiving."

I apologized if I had offended her in the past. I reminded her I was an alcoholic and I blacked out a lot of what I did when I was drunk. I said I don't deny what she alleges but I state I don't remember any of it and ensure her I am clean now and beyond that.

And then I woke up.

So my feelings were a mixture of embarrassment, anger, anxiety, confusion, and denial.

But none of this incident is true. It never happened.

Here's what I think are the corresponding connections my subconscious mind blended together to make this odd dream.

My mother traditionally made Blueberry Torte as one of her signature desserts during the Holidays. And I loved it! But one year, I think just before she and my father moved to Florida in the mid 90s, The torte had a very distinctive and corrupting taste of cigarette smoke. It was the first time I found my mother's cooking unpalatable. But, in reality, she had started smoking a heck of a lot more in those years. She'd lost weight in the early 90's, in part inspiring me to lose my weight, but it apparently caused her to up her cigarette usage, especially to combat the weight regain she was experiencing in the mid to later 90s. This affected her cooking as she probably smoked at least half a pack before completing a dish. Where did this smoke end up?

This real life incident may have colored my expectations of future Blueberry Tortes. Problem was, there weren't any. My mother and father moved to Florida and took the Tortes with them so to speak.

The other real life incident that influenced this dream must have been the explosive Thanksgiving gathering at Ma Tante Connie's house in 1996. Here's the full rundown of that fiasco.

So I woke up and before long I was crying. My mother and Ma Tante Connie are both dead bow of course. Only my father lives. But is he still alive? I don't even know. In a weird way, I thought that maybe this dream memory was a sign that he'd just passed on.

Not sure what to make all of this but I did have a little bit of a cry while I was coming to terms with this about my fucked up family and my fucked up life.

Ah well, the discomfort and pain should only be an issue for a decade or less I figure. Then I'll be dead and i won't have to dream disturbing dreams about any of it.

So fuck you Ma Tante Connie and your Blueberry Torte mystery. I don't care if I shoveled it up your shriveled old cunt. You and everyone else in my horrible, horrible family can just turn to dust without a tear shed from me.

I'm fucking over it.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Saturday, January 07, 2017


Just a little screenshot today. For some reason, my video recording software wasn't working. I'll have to work on that. Meanwhile, notice in the pic below that Jurassic Park River Adventure ride and the Discovery Center are done as well as Hogwart's and Dragon Challenge. I'll only get 4 hours of sleep today thanks to this game. Yay!