I'm here today to report on my decidedly most "squishy-squishy" body and introspectively deduce the status, likely diagnosis and potential prognoses of my ailments. Much like the star of said film, Robin Williams, likely performed on himself before his ultimate "solution" to his dilemma; let's hope I don't need the same "remedy" right now, thank you very much... oh, you groan? What, too soon?
HEAD
Hair: Still falling out slowly. Makes shaving it down, as I do, easier. No big whoop. Next. No, seriously, I do find that I have this condition where I have little grains of things falling from my scalp from time to time. I think it's because I tend to overlook washing my scalp as I frequently don't bother washing what little hair I have when it does grow out a tad. Solution: Treat the scalp like the rest of the body and regularly wash and scrub for exfoliation. It's skin too, of course.
Eyes: I'm due for another checkup but I don't want to drive all the way out to Winter Haven so I'm procrastinating on this. I should get it done, if only for the vascular health check due to diabetes. My insurance tells me this should be a free thing but it isn't. They all charge a coinsurance portion to me. Is it crazy? No, maybe $40-$50, but still, it should be free for fucks sake. These greedy ophthalmologists! As far as vision, as I've stated before Ozempic has given me improved vision. And I think it's slowly getting even better over time. Goodbye glasses all together in the future? Who knows?
Ears: Again this year I have the earwax issue, but a couple weeks ago I did a good Debrox treatment of both ears and they seem to be clearing up pretty well. I'm sure they're still just pinhole tunnels in the canals, though. Won't be long before they clog again. Solution: The occasional Debroxing seems okay. The mad doctor ENT I saw a couple years ago who said to do daily peroxide drops must be crazy as I'm sure that would be detrimental to the skin of the ear canal over time plus daily ANYTHING means your body just relies on THAT rather than its own systems so, no.
Face: Still gorgeous! No, but really, for my age, I guess not too bad. I do think the selfie I took in this post makes me look a little jaundice but I think it's lighting, and I look tired 'cause I am. But overall, not too much in the way of major wrinkles that I can see and those brown moles that plagued me a few years back haven't made any return except for this very tiny pinprick above the right eye socket. Solution: Keeping an eye out for the moles and since insurance seems to cover it, have the dermatologist nuke any baby moles before they get ugly. Also, I guess moisturizing would be a good weekly, if not daily, regimen to avoid premature crusty ol' man face.
Neck: I've noticed that as I lose weight (yes, slowly, but I am losing overall) I'm getting the Vagina Neck that comedians constantly gawk at Trump for. Don't body shame, people! There are plenty of other things to make fun of him for that he deserves. But anyway... I digress. I can tell that as I continue on my "weight loss journey," my neck will evolve from a vagina to a turkey neck before long, jiggling every time I jab my jaw. Oh Lawdy! Solution: Neck massages? Who knows? How 'bout I try to just ignore it and focus on more important things?
Brain: Oh where do I begin? Well we know about *Shameless. We know about *Brain Fog. We know about *Narcolepsy. We know about *Social Anxiety. I can't think of any other symptoms right now... and that may be an indication of something right there, who knows?
*Shameless: I tend to lump all forgetfulness and absentmindedness into this as well but we know that it really speaks to the phenomenon of either misremembering or only recalling events well after ample clues have been received indicating a "blackout" of memory. I have no idea how to solve this other than keeping my mind active and engaged. Shit like this blog helps since it chronicles events and can be referred to if memory becomes spotty or non-existant.
*Brain Fog: Direct result of multiple meds, especially Gabby. Solution: Deal with it.
*Narcolepsy: Multiple meds, again, but likely mainly the BP meds and with low BP testing lately, Tina even suggested maybe dropping amlodipine, so I did so immediately. We'll see how this goes as we've been down this path before. Also, the drowsiness is caused by the sleep apnea as well and that's still a thing, of course. Solution: D/C'd amlodipine (for now) and we'll look into OSA tx in future (maybe).
*Social Anxiety: Gabbies help, does Topiramate do anything in this area? Not sure, but I don't really think any drug is going to "cure" me wholly. It's who I am. Solution: I am who I am.
Teeth: I'm staying on top of my cleaning schedule but at a cost, since I come away each time with new little aches and pains that resolve only after a week or so. Long term dealing with issues that likely exist under the ancient amalgam of my large upper and lower molars will be a future concern for sure, but right now no major pain from them. That little gap between those upper right front side teeth that snag EVERYTHING is still a persistent and obnoxious pest requiring me to use floss almost after every meal (is that so bad?). I also signed back up with Solstice the dental plan I had a few years ago through the Marketplace this week and it'll start in January so I should, in the very least, get a free set of new x-rays, a rundown of work needed and a couple of cleanings, all for about what I'd pay on the scale with the current incompetent boobs at CFHC. Now to pick the right dental office that'll take this cheap "insurance."
TORSO
Heart: So again, what's up with this fuckin' thing? Is there something here? For decades, I've been wondering, and I can't get a clear picture. Some years, I have palpitations and out-of-control high BP for no reason and dizzy spells and low circulation to extremities and low O2 and then unexpected very low BP and out-of-whack EKG with "widowmaker" indices and shit. Then doctors do stress tests and carefully listen to the heart and examine the graphs and size it all up and they tell me... no heart disease... ticker's okay. So last week, again, kooky BP results incoming: 148/76 or something like that. Two days ago at Tina's office, 97/67. I've been off the daily 81mg aspirin for months now, that's a waste and articles I read say for people over 60, unnecessary unless they present with heart disease (which I don't have, right?). I dropped amlodipine yesterday. Let's check out BP right now: 122/77. Solution: Who the fuck knows? Keep going 'till it stops tickin', I guess.
Stomach/Gut: Ozempic does its job, but not the way the media likes to broadcast it, at least not for me. It's no "miracle drug." I don't shoot up and go "oh, just one Tic Tac and a Diet Coke for my daily meal, thanks." I eat a smooch less than say five years ago and before that, but it's the practical total elimination of alcohol that's the real kicker. I credit Ozempic but it could be that, plus Topiramate, plus Gabby, I don't know. As far as "lower gut" ie., pooper, for colon cancer screening, Tina gave me a rec order for the annual poop smear thing from LabCorp. With the old practice, it was a one-stop-shop and I could just drop it off there, now it's a three step process as I pick it up at Walgreen's/LabCorp, "fill 'er up at home, bring it back to Walgreen's/LabCorp, they then process it and send the results to Tina. Well, I guess the same steps but off site rather than there at her office. Ugh.
Fat: Oh yes, I still have my Millennial Paunch and Then Some! But, then again, for many years these past 20 or so, I've been well over 300 and now I'm down in the low 270s. Solution: Keep going as I am, Turtle beats Hare and unlike Hare, doesn't immediately fall right back to start. But, I should integrate some physical exercise routine as I'm very sedentary and this affects more than just weight.
Liver/Kidneys: Tina was going to let me go Monday morning again without providing me with a rec for bloodwork and I had to remind her that I have fatty liver disease and have presented in the past with suspected kidney issues (which turned out to be false) for which I like to see regular tests of lipids and liver enzymes and, for that matter due to hypothyroidism, TSH which should be done frequently (she said yearly, that can't be right). Makes me wonder if I should keep her. Haven't even mentioned my history of low testosterone or high uric acid that I also like to occasionally keep tabs on. Doesn't she have my case history? Is HIPAA that restrictive? This chick can't be more than 28 or so (her bio says she graduated in 2024 from her PA classes) but she frankly looks even younger (she's Asian so maybe she entered post-graduate quite young like they tend to do? It's not racist if it's positive, right?) So my last gout flare up, for instance, occurred when she was in elementary school!
ARMS/HANDS
Shoulder: You know which one. Still frozen, but much less achy. Still bothers me when trying to over use it, over extend it, or sleep on it in the wrong position. Other than that, I know from personal experience of having this condition two decades ago, it'll get slowly better over time. Am I doing formal exercises, asked Tina? Fuck no. Just regular ADLs. I think she frowned on this. She likes regimented things, which brings me to her instructions for the next topic...
Left Hand: Oh this fucker is aching like a bitch. Not all the time, but out of the blue, on occasion, and especially if I try to use it to grasp things, make a fist or hold objects. It seems to stem likely from a few weeks back when I tried to carry plastic grocery bags into the house from the car and felt that they were too heavy but mustered through anyway. I may have pulled some tendons or nerves out of whack. I don't think I dislocated or broke any joints or bones but when it does ache, man, that's what it fucking feels like. I guess I'll go for x-rays as she gave me a rec for that. And, of course, a photocopied handout with diagramed instructions on "helpful" hand exercises to do. DO IT! DO YOUR EXERCISES, NOW! I will not, of course.
LEGS/FEET
Right Foot: So yesterday afternoon, I'm sitting on the porch, enjoying the first day of sunshine in what feels like a week after our massive consecutively non-stop rain-fest lately, and I look down at my foot and see this huge blister on the top of my foot at the base of the big toe and the one next to it. WTF? That area is quite numb and has almost no feeling either due to the continual subcutaneous irritation from the bone spurs there or the lack of proper blood flow to that area or generalized diabetic neuropathy to the feet, or, most likely, a combo of all the above. Did I get a cut and it got infected? A bug bite like a spider or something? Or, because I noticed this condition was worse too, a flare up of ischemia or something? I treated this with alcohol, lanced the blister with a lancet, leeched the puss out onto a clean cloth (ick), wrapped with gauze, secured and socked the foot and this morning the wound was still oozing puss so I showered, dried it carefully, relanced, releeched, patted dry, antibiotic ointment, more gauze, resocked. I'll keep an eye out on this. I've seen horror stories where shit like this can lead to, well, you know what for diabetics. Chop Chop. Oh hell no!
In summary, I think dying is a slow process sometimes. It can come quickly, like for those poor fuckers in that Lear Jet this past week in West Palm; shit that was rough to hear... Or, it can happen like I think it's coming down for me. One little tidbit at a time, until the house of cards starts to waver, then it'll all comes crashing down.
What more can you do? Until that one day, like in Bicentennial Man, I say to my robot nurse "Would you mind unplugging me? That's an order."