Howdy Neighbor! New to these here parts? Not bitten yet by any gators or Florida Men? What? Oh yes Florida Men bite, especially when hopped up on bath salts, remember?
Anyhoo, I thought I'd show y'all a few choice pickin's I found settin' right thar on that there Facebook Marketplace.
First we have a "rare vintage" dragon scale jacket. It says it's leather, but being from the '70s, I can tell you from experience, it most likely is not real leather. Pair this with a matching vinyl wide-brimmed hat and yo' bitches be fearing your back hand smackin' sense into them when they try shortin' you your cut.
Now this actually looks pretty cool. Not sure about that price though, especially if it really is from 1948 like they say. I mean, does it look that old? I think it's one of those reproductions. The electric cord alone would have rotted from the Florida heat and humidity, never mind the eighty years of use.
For the golf hobbyist who has everything. A wine bottle made into a very creepy ass sculpture that looks like Woody Allen in his Sleeper robot role gone on a axe-murderous rampage.
"One of a kind" they say. They got that right. They made these and sold about 5. I mean, who the fuck would want this?
The copy explains that it was open when the sellers got it so they know the inside is clean (and, I guess, empty) but then someone closed it shut and it's locked and they don't have the combination so you'd be buying a rusty safe that you can't open. But at least the inside is clean.
It doesn't "talk" anymore despite changing out batteries. Just as well, it'd just exclaim your house as: "Loser-vale! You're in Loser-vale!"
Okay, so, totally NOT a gun. But it looks dangerous and uses black powder explosive shit, so, could you use it like a gun? It's Florida buddy. Everything could be used as a gun.
I love how this cartoon-looking illustrated plate comes with a certificate of authenticity in English and Arabic, like some Egyptian Department of Antiquities verified this as a genuine ancient artifact. Yeah... keep on searchin' there, Indy, keep on searchin'.
And from the same fine arts ceramics studio, er I mean, bullshit knick knack ripoff manufacturers comes this light-up Elvis plate. Billy Joe Bob, gimme that VISA card, I gotta order this to put next to that Egyptian antique.
The King of Rock and Roll ain't yer bag? How 'bout the Prince of Darkness. The included bats on the lid should be headless though, don't you think?
Imagine getting your kiddo this for Christmas instead of some cheap-ass toy that'll just break in a week. C'mon Timmy, let's crank up the sirens for no reason!
Well, what can you say about this other than... it's right there. And I bet it's unique.
Now the thing that caught my eye wasn't the rather Spartan bike frame for $450 that I guess you'd have to know how to weld wheels, handlebars, a seat and all that. No, it's the absolute prime example of your typical Florida Man right there holding it up for us. You keep doing what you do, Florida Man!
