I'm pretty sure Good Thursday isn't anything in the Christian calendar unlike Good Friday which is tomorrow, of course, but I thought of it not only due to the coincidence of it being one day before the aforementioned well known holy day, but because I find myself this morning in a kind of Zen, contemplative mood, similar to many pious Christians that celebrate this high holy season of Christendom. Of course I long ago eschewed all of that.
I'm sitting here, gazing at the votive candle sitting on the built-in dresser that you can see here in the picture. In the photo, everything looks much brighter. I guess the camera does a little light correction. To my naked eyes, I sit here, even though it's just past 10:00 a.m., in near total darkness, and the flickering candle light is quite mesmerizing, especially combined with the dulcet tones of the Gregorian chant music I have playing through my brand new computer speakers. Oh yeah, I can all but smell that incense that the priest shakes around as he goes up and down the main aisle with the altar boys carrying the big candles, from what I can remember.
But it is a good Thursday you know. I'm one week away from my birthday. I'll be 62. I look in the mirror, and I don't think I look my age, especially when I look at other men in their early 60s. Other people have said I don't look my age either. And really I don't think I act my age. But man, do I ever feel it.
Just these past couple days, my diabetic neuropathy in my feet has gotten to the point where now I'm getting these shooting, burning pains intermittently, of course, especially at night. I have my narcolepsy spells, dizziness, forgetfulness aka Shameless syndrome, and a myriad of other physical disabilities mainly attributed not just to age but to my diabetes, and obesity primarily.
But you know what, as I gaze on This Little Light of Mine, I got to look on the bright side of life.
Yes, I got these issues, and an uncertain future, especially in regards to whether finances will sustained as years drag on, if that will be the case. I mean, just look at the pic... I live in a single wide mobile home, and in economically disadvantaged retirement community, and have only one real dependable resource of income, my upcoming Social Security, which will provide me with just a meager subsistence. Recent trends have certainly once again shown that I can't depend on funds in an IRA to be sustainable without anxiety inducing roller coaster rides due to market fluxes. Eh, but whatcha going to do?
At least I'm still kicking. And for that I guess I can say... Amen.