Early this morning news broke of an intense and brazen overnight military invasion by the US into Caracas, Venezuela in order to neutralize pro-governmental targets to affect a capture and withdrawal of Venezuelan President Maduro and his wife. Trump now explains his actions to the world via a live televised address from his Mar-A-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida. The world has, of course, now completely forgotten all about those Epstein Files...
Supposed to start at 11 am, it's 11:38...he's late...
11:39 am:
A spectacular assault, people have never seen since World War II. (Sounds very slurred. Fucked up mouth like he had dental work or something...)
11:41 am:
Many helicopters, many planes...our enemies can scarcely begin to imagine. We're going to run the country until such time we can do a safe, proper and judicious...[turnover?]"
11:44 am:
We're prepared to do a second wave but probably won't have to do. We'll make the people of Venezuela rich.
11:50 am:
Now he's just prattling on about his "accomplishments" domestically, nothing about Venezuela...
Fuck his decrepit face, let's just screen cap chat:
11:59 am: Hands it over to Pete Hegseth. Pete: Flawlessly executed. Sheer guts and grit. He F'd around, and he found out. Welcome to 2026. America is back.
12:04 pm:
Now the Lil' General takes the podium:
Tells us the deets of the operation. Somehow he forgets to include the part where this is all about colonizing Venezuela for its vast oil resources and deflecting everybody's attention from the shitstorm plaguing Trump at home otherwise. Hmm. Of course Trump can't stay awake.
The press questions:
What do you mean "The US will run the country?" "We'll run it, we'll fully run it."
What about Colombia? "They make cocaine. He [the prez there] should watch his ass."
How does China and Russia factor in? "We'll be in the oil business, selling oil to them."