I was out and about for a couple hours yesterday afternoon completing a few errands around the neighborhood. Later that evening, I noticed I had the inklings of a sore throat. Went to bed thinking "Oh no." Sure enough, this morning, woke up feeling a little achy, stuffy nose, scratchy throat and the definite feelings of coming down with...something. Took a Covid test from one of the ones I have on-hand from the freebees the government mailed out a year ago (should still be good). Negative. So it's just a regular old cold or flu. I'm thinking the former since its still just a "head thing" like a head cold, no real lung action (yet) and it's very mild. But still, this is the first cold or flu I've had since maybe 2018. I had that nasal thing back a few years ago and the false alarm, but nothing respiratory like this might be until now. So now I wonder, of the few people I come into contact with, can I sleuth out the likely suspect who gave me this virus yesterday as I went about my business?
Location: Gate Gas Station Convenience Store
Suspect 1:
This bad-ass mother fucker jumped into the line at the register to buy his one item then asked the cashier for some tobacco that the cashier wasn't familiar with and tried to tell the cashier where it was on the shelf but the cashier was too stupid to understand directions and the whole transaction was taking so long. I was waiting to buy a single little can of Diet Coke 'cause I was super thirsty and was dying to crack it open but I'm not that type of asshole who starts eating or drinking something they're buying before they actually buy it so I had to wait. I was getting a little impatient and I mumbled "Oh Maroon" under my breath. I think the chulo heard me as he slightly turned towards me and, maybe, exhaled in my direction.
Suspect 2:
The cashier on the other register who appeared to be just starting her shift had just finished up with her first customer so I bailed out of the line behind the obvious gangbanger (I mean, he all but had MS-13 tatted on his knuckles) and as she picked up my can of Diet Coke to scan it I noticed her hands were poorly covered in ill-fitting latex gloves. It looks like she was trying to wear two pairs of gloves at the same time so they were bunched up and wrinkled. She seemed really out of it and looked sickly and I do believe she was sniffling...
Location: Lowe's Home Improvement
Suspects 3 and 4:
These Lowe's workers were cheerful, polite and helpful. They directed me to the vinyl flooring tiles I needs and answered any questions I had. They looked healthy and clean. But, were they really? Maybe they were just waiting for the perfect host to come along so they could infect them with their viral spawn?
Suspect 5:
While I was in the grout section (yes they have a grout section), this grizzly-looking dude rudely pushes within inches of me to get in front of me so he can grab his selection of a tube of the grout of his choice. Was he impatient with me that much? I know I was taking a while standing there but there are just so many varieties of grout. Who the fuck knew. This guy reeked of nasty cheap cigars too. It wafted off him like radioactivity. You could tell it wasn't just smoke from a recent puff sesh, it was embedded in his clothes from years of cigar and likely other tobacco effluence. I gasped in disgust. Perhaps I inhaled a bit more than his stank?
Location: ABC Liquors
Suspect 6:
Alright, she wasn't dressed exactly this way but she was a heavily-made-up "Spanish" lady with an accent hawking some expensive passion fruit liqueur at a table near the entrance to the store. I tried a sample and since I was there to grab some supplies for one of my tropical rum drink nights I figured I'd go ahead and buy a bottle. Perhaps as she handed me that little paper souffle cup filled with that sweet shot of booze, she passed on something...else?
Suspect 7:
This image too may be a bit of an exaggeration, but I think it does actually capture the essence of the inner personality of the cashier/"owner?" lady who just grates me the wrong way. Every time I come here and if she checks me out, I just get this vibe that she really, really hates me. She comes across so fake and full of shit. Maybe I'm just getting a feedback loop off her and it's really me who, for some reason, hates her and we can both feel that tension with each meeting. She wasn't so close as to effectively infect me by airborne transmission but she did handle my bottles as she scanned and bagged them which I later touched...and maybe rubbed my eye? And she was the last human I interacted with. Perhaps, if this virus develops and progresses, she may well be the last human I'll ever have interacted with alive.
Dammed you humans! I should have stayed in my little box away from you dirty, dirty fuckers. Dammed you all to hell!
