I point out to you our candidates for this roast. Naturally, as you can see, the visit of old "moon in the sky" himself, Mr. Dean Martin is introducing to us this evening's roastees.
On the upper left hand side we have Maddie.
Oh Maddie, what can I say? I mean, c'mon, take a gander at her mug! She actually fixed her hair and picked out her outfit for a photo opportunity and this is what she came out with. Remember, I've already compared her to Mad TVs Stephnie Weir, not only in general mannerisms, but in total ditzy thought processes. This girl's a hot mess. So she's obviously doing the same BS "whatever she wants to do" kind of schedule throughout any day of any week, doing the bare minimums, wearing only 16 pieces of flair, yawning it, in yet she would never, ever, ever fucking tell you that to your face. She claims that she is doing 15 hours of work a day, every day of the week, even weekdays, in the service of her beloved clients, bringing glory to her clients lives. Oh brother the bullshit layers she loves to spread on that toast! Part of it could be attributed to the fact that she's only had a year and a half experience working with developmentally disabled. Okay, I get that. You have that pink cloud effect. That you're doing wonderful work for folks that are disabled and there's that never-ending glow that you want to share with everyone. Plus she's one of these Christian types that probably feels she's doing God's work. Whatever, I get it, but oh man, for old hands like me, and many of the others that work at this facility by the way, they must somewhat roll their eyes when they hear her diatribe going on and on and on about her Valiant service to our Precious clients. Whatever. She ain't fooling me. You read her documentation, you add up the hours, It Don't Fit. Like the old OJ thing, If It Don't Fit you must Acquit. Well I acquit her of being a martyr for Christendom in the service of the disabled because. Fuck that! She be doing what she needs to be doing. On the clock at home or elsewhere but don't be telling me she's an undying Joan of Arc.
Next up, bottom left, Mike.
Mike, the lifelong YMCA executive bullshit artist. He learned how to do it with some finesse through some of the bigger YMCA franchises, if you will, and he can carry it on very well here in honky-tonk Highlands County. He can talk the talk, let me tell you. This guy could schmooze his way through any crowd. Maddie confided to me that she thinks he's shirking virtually all of his duties and it peeves her to no extent. I think she's just protecting what they both know they've got, against me, who they see as a potential "Jesus in the temple" type, as we mentioned before. I had a big sit down with her today and I've had discussions with Mike, and in both cases, I tried to, in a very nuanced sense, regarding the setup that we have, convey that I'm not going to rock the boat. I'm not going to be a fink. Status quo shall be maintained. I think Mike gets it and Mike's let me in on a little bit of the hints and tips behind the shell game they pull, but it's hard to tell with him too because he's as dumb as a fucking rock.
Next up on our roast, Jesse, upper right hand corner.
This man isn't even employed anymore with the agency. I took his place, but in doing so I got all of his legacy email, paperwork, and logins, so I can see basically what he did throughout his year in his employment. And he was just like them. In the beginning, it looked like he was trying to fight the fight of the righteous, doing everything he could to get his caseload employed, but either through the nature of the actual work, or the influence of his cohorts, he soon learned to kick back, relax, and just display the 16 pieces of flair. As you can see by his picture, he was quite the good old boy. And his emails and notations in his files convey that very well. He was barely literate. As I mentioned, he left on medical leave and then eventually quit due to his health conditions. But I can't help thinking that maybe a part of it, especially if he was one of these down home moralizing Christians, could have been that he came to some convictions regarding this job and eventually tired of the obfuscation and three card monte games.
Last, but not least, bottom right hand side, our fearless leader, our CEO, Kathleen.
First of all, she too can talk the good talk, but let me tell you, if she don't know what's going on in this department, and she don't know the mumblings throughout other departments when you get to have little gossip talks here and there, I think her head is up in the clouds most of the time. Now we know a lot of CEOs, at least I know a lot of CEO types, with lofty visions for the future. They have Pie in the Sky dreams and they sound like they know how to get there, but in actuality, they don't know the first thing about the basics of the business. This is a classic example of our dear Kathleen. Originally, before her position here, she had marketing and executive positions in finance and other non-related corporate environments. Not sure exactly what brought her to working with developmentally disabled, but does it really matter? She's a little flitty as well and I think she likes playing the chess game thing and treating her folks, that is, me and the others, like pawns. We'll see how that goes as time goes on.
Anyhoo, this is just a little roast to present to you what I'm dealing with here in my new job. As always, new job but still the same bozos that you end up working elbow to elbow with. Some things, in those regards, never change.