Well, is it?
So I'm in the midst of another one of my regular anxiety fests. Everything seems to be ratcheting up the ol' panic meter lately.
I'm right about 331 now and all sorts of complications due to that and the substances I've used to get to "that" are causing havoc: My BP is uncontrolled again, palpitations are back, I get severely winded by walking just a few yards so I now pretty much avoid it, yup, walking that is. Fine by my social anxiety since walking invariably is an activity done outdoors where other people are. I only go out to buy said "substances" mentioned above anyway and even that is about to meet with some drastic moderation since my food stamps are running out soon and since they now want an interview interrogation, I of course will be denied renewal. But that might be a good thing since I'll be forced to eat less, right? Knowing me, I'll just go prepper with what I got left and stock up on all sorts of cheap, easily stored carbs to provide for the long haul. Pasta, rice, beans, and the like. But, again knowing me, I just eat through that shit even more rapidly. When I was doing "keto" I could only tolerate so much bacon, eggs and meats. But give me a pound of pasta every day? I'll rip though that no problem with nary a shrug as to the non-variety.
Next Monday I have my trial date for the small claims case. Then, after I lose in absentia and get hit with the summary judgement, I got to really think hard as to what to do about my "stuff." Sell the car? The coin? Hide the paper? Lie about it all or ignore the court order, either choice has hard consequences. Digital assets are either no longer pertinent with bank accounts drawn down to literal pennies in some cases and long term retirement accounts protected by law (so it's said, but will they try?).
My planned "last hoorah" cruise is sounding more and more stupid with my personal financial drama and the cases of Covid breaking out on the newly restarted cruises already. Yes I got the poke, but what if I have complications if I still get sick due to my other health factors? Holed up in my four walls as I tend to be day to day, I'm practically immune, so why put myself at that incredible risk on an MSC ship where, as I stated even before the pandemic, I worried about health concerns due to uncouth other passengers?
And then there's just all the other shit happening in the world. Crazy Karens everywhere, Woke Olympics underscoring a divided social climate, and the real climate of the world expressed by outta control wildfires, amazingly destructive floods and, this just in...another fucking hurricane headed my way. You know my neighbor Mary is jubilantly watching all this on her loud-ass TV, grinning from ear to ear awaiting the return of her Lord.
I think the best choice right now is to just put the ol' proverbial blinders on and live, like Mary, in my own insulated little fantasy world where, in fact: EVERYTHING IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!