Reparations For Polack Jokes


Just read today news of a city in Illinois voting to pay reparations to its black residents for the indignity and oppression of slavery pre-Civil War and Jim Crow laws thereafter. The $400,000 of city funds earmarked for this distribution are obtained through profits from medical marijuana sales and will be divided up amongst the eligible black citizens, eligibility being home ownership goals and/or college funding.

The article included a video clip of an interview with a black economist who says that reparations also need to come from the federal level. He suggested that about three trillion dollars should cover it.

What world do I live in?

First of all, wasn't Illinois a free state? Not to say there never was slavery there, but by the outbreak of the civil war, I'm pretty sure Illinois sided solidly with the north. If reparations were to be demanded, shouldn't it be from Confederate states which sought to perpetuate slavery to the point of outright warfare? Oh but then we get into the Reconstruction Era and the reparations that were enforced on the South by Union forces so, one could argue, the South already paid their price.

Next, Jim Crow reparations. Was Illinois a hot bed of black voter suppression, segregation and redline policies? Can any US state be declared free of discrimination towards a minority? How easy was it for immigrant Irish, Italian, Asian, Hispanic, Jewish, Muslim or black Africans when they came to America? Oh but they weren't enslaved and brought here against there will.

And finally, how hilarious it is that black people are getting their money through ganja sales? Talk about solidifying a stereotype already formulated in the minds of many. This town's gonna look like a 1970s Blaxploitation movie: Land-yacht Caddies accented in 24-karat gold cruisin' 'round every block filled with leopard-skin leotard sporting hoochie mammas and their hot pink zoot-suited, ultra-wide-brim fedora with chinchilla trim donned pimps.

This brings up the question: What about me? (Says everyone.) Where's my reparation? Me, personally, I'm mostly descended from French-Canadians. They got a lot of discrimination but since it was mainly due to language and religion, and the French-Canadian diaspora in the US is relatively small compared to other ethnic populations, maybe this wouldn't qualify as reparation worthy. Also, French-Canadians usually found work quickly and tried to assimilate early on.

But wait! I'm one quarter Polish! Talk about oppression. My people have endured decades upon decades of Polish jokes. This surely qualifies! The government better fess up and give me some free money or else I'm gonna sell my schematics for a superior build of a clandestine underwater naval warship to the Russians. (The doors of current models don't even have a way to keep out flying insects, ha!)