Friday, July 26, 2019
Nassau, Bahamas
Outfit: Red madras plaid button-down, tan khakis
Woke up to the ship gently being guided into dock by the pilot boat which was positioned right outside my window.
Hadn't really planned on going ashore unless I'd found a good bar to hang out in when I did my pre-cruise research. All I found were over-priced tourist traps or cheap local dive-looking bars (where I'd likely be the only white person) so I took a pass.
Chilled out onboard enjoying the diminished population. Deck 7, the Promenade Deck was practically my huge private balcony, so I sat reading my Kindle book, Steven King's "Doctor Sleep" and occasionally took in my view of either the Nassau waterfront or this MSC monstrosity depending if I sat port or starboard.
Got the hankerin' for a few adult beverages as dusk came so after a couple of Buds, I switched to a drink I hadn't had before. Since I was ordering them from a Latin Themed bar, Bolero's, I thought I'd try me some mojitos. Started with a couple regular ones then had a couple coconut ones. That's all though, these drinks are way more expensive than even theme park drinks so I put the kabosh on it all. And even with extra tipping, I got weak ass drinks at that. They must water down the rum in the bottle 'cause I watched him pour 2 1/2 shots in them but I sure didn't taste or feel it. Or has my tolerance built up to that level now?
I attended three shows tonight, one right after the other:
"Boogie Wonderland" another song and dance ensemble performed by our ship's singer/dancers and band. Nice but it seemed that the band and the vocalists didn't quite jive comfortably. A couple okay sax solos from the band and some very good vocal solos from our lead man and woman (both black) doing their best to "get down on it" yet something overall felt off. It could have been the lack of electronics or guitar since it was an all acoustic pit band setup (drums, sax, trumpet, bass) or the way off costuming. Flowing Maude-esque vests and caftans (worn in the 70s by disco goers but not so much by performers) and weird Japanese-like prints. The black guys and gals were adorned in outrageously huge afros. Yes, some black people wore fullblown afros but not all. Even some of the white dancers had them. I think the wardrobe person watched too many blacksploitation films.
The "Karaoke Finals" judged by Miss A-Line and The Singer/Dancer Male Lead. I was surprised at the finalists and the format. Rather than an "American Idol" judge rundown like I expected, it was only six of the dozens who'd sang throughout the week and amazingly, some of the best, IMHO, weren't there: No Ken, no Betsy, no Dave! People have been chanting Dave! Dave! Dave! each night he sang. And, well, not too surprisingly, but sadly nonetheless, no Kirin, hunny bunny. Boo hoo. I scanned the audience to see if he needed cuddling. But, of course, they did have Lonnie who, with his awesome rendition of "Mr. Bojangles" rendered the audience in awe. He even barged his way back in the limelight after he won his first place award to belt out another song, his lady-killin' "Rainy Night in Georgia."
Ed Regine was back tonight for some old skool blue stuff. Unlike the "adult" comedy offered up by our first night's comic, Ed knew how to entertain a dirty, dirty audience. This shit was your daddy's filthy joke barrage. The audience roared! He was good. Very old style dirty jokes but really well done. His Jersey accent was perfect for it. Here's a couple of the ones I remember:
This guy rushes his wife to the ER and tells the doctor: "Doc, we were at a picnic in the park when all of a sudden a bee flies up my wife's vagina." The doctor says, "Don't worry, don't worry. This is a dangerous situation but I got the solution. All I need to do is put a dab of honey on the tip of my dick and poke it slightly in her vagina. The bee will be attracted to it, get stuck and I'll pull it out." The guys nodding, "I-I-I don't know, Doc, I mean, you puttin' you're..." "Look!" yells the doctor, "There's no time to waste, we gotta act fast, if it stings her, it'll be bad...I'm a professional!" "Well, alright then." says the husband. So the doctor puts honey on the tip of his dick and sticks it in. The bee isn't taking the bait so the doctor starts moving his dick back and forth to try and snag it. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...now he's thrusting his cock, really fucking the shit out of her. "Doctor! Doctor! What are you doing!" Doctor says, "Change of plans, I'm gonna drown the fucker out."
Twelve young men are just about to graduate from the seminary and become full-fledged priests. The elder seminary instructor orders them to line up and strip naked. He says that in order to graduate they must pass one last test. "Brothers, we must be sure you are ready for a life devoted only to God and that you are ready to be celibate for life." A small bell is tied to each of the mens' penises and a beautiful naked woman is brought before them. One of the men, aroused, gets an erection and the bell rings as his dick throbs. In fact. his dick gets so excited, the bell falls off and onto the floor. "Brothers, one of you has failed the test, the others have passed. Congratulations." "Brother James, pick up your bell." Brother James bends over to pick up the bell and all of a sudden all the eleven other bells start ringing.