Sunday, November 18, 2018
Literally woke up at 6:00 am because the city skyline lights of New Orleans were beaming through my window. How cool. Tried to get another hour's sleep to gear up for the long road trip day but decided to get ready for disembarkation instead.
I had already packed everything up so it was a simple process of getting everything organized to go. I had originally planned to watch the "bridge cam" channel on the TV to wait for the announcement of the commencement of disembarkation. I was going to be self-disembarking meaning I would chose to carry all my bags out myself.
Big Mistake.
The first two announcements came over the TV saying that they were still waiting for clearance from customs or some shit like that and it was asked that people not congregate at the disembarkation deck. Well, I knew that would be ignored. Sure enough, I decided to go get my last free meal and as I did I could see the throngs of selfish fucks packing the elevators making their way downstairs to get off the ship. I ate my, by now, same-old, same-old breakfast of sausage, scrambled eggs, croissant and black coffee. Only the croissant still tasted good like the first halcyon day on board, when everything was wonderful, people were friendly and happy-go-lucky and the staff were genuine-sounding and helpful. Now it was all bitter coffee, grumpy staff and entitled fucks.
And today the automatons were sounding like they were calling the shots, trying to get rid of us ASAP and barking commands. What was this, Westworld: Cruise Ship? Hey, now that might be a great idea for the next season! I could see Delores trading out a "washy, washy!" spray sanitizer for a Colt 45! "Blamy, Blamy!"
As I went back to my stateroom after my sad last meal, Albert, who was cleaning the next room bid me good morning which I returned back. After getting my bags and leaving my room for the last time, I was going to genuinely shake his hand thanking him for his service this week but for once, he was nowhere to be found. Oh well, I guess that's just as well since my handshake would not have included any palmed gratuity in it. My silver's coming back home with me.
Got the paper bill for the incidental charges for the week but I knew the total already from the TV account view. $276.40. This includes the $14.50 daily "service charge," the corkage fee and all my drinks (minus the ones on Harvest Caye since they were charged separately) I think I did very well!
On the elevator down to Deck 7 for disembarkation I had a little tiff with this bitch who was being pushy and dared to roll her eyes at me. Oh no, sweety! I don't give a fuck about "treating you like a lady" since I don't play that game. You treat me bad, I rip you a new one twice as rough. She couldn't handle it so she stormed out of the elevator. It earned me the scorn of the old couple on the elevator but they knew enough to not directly challenge me.
Didn't I say I would be a nicer, friendlier, more tolerant person at the beginning of this thing? Well, if others were going to throw that philosophy out the window when interacting with me, then so was I.
As I made my way through the rat maze they set up for us to crawl through, I realized that carrying all my bags was quite the chore and by the time I actually made it out of the ship, I was sweating bullets and really struggling to keep it all together. With all the rest stops I had to take, it literally took me longer to disembark than if I had just opted to have the crew deliver my checked bags to the dock porters who then would luggage-trolley them to a taxi for a small tip. At one point, a customs officer black girl tried to play all TSA on my ass and told me that I couldn't stand off to the side in order to rest for a minute, presumably due to regulations. I literally looked her straight in the eyes with a deadpan stare as if to say "What the fuck are you gonna do about it?"
When I got to the customs officer checking passports as part of the usual bullshit process for coming back into the country, he took pity on my sweaty, red-faced, exhausted ass and after I showed him just my driver's licence when he asked for passports, he said "Are you a US citizen, sir?" to which I replied in the affirmative, and he said I could go on. So I didn't have to show him my birth certificate, he just took my word for it. YES! NOW I'VE ILLEGALLY ENTERED THE USA!!! Don't you just love all this stupid Patriot Act, Homeland Security bullshit! How did he know I wasn't faking being all fatigued and shit! Was he assuming I was okay because I'm white? THAT'S RACIST!
I took a cab rather than call for an Uber. The cabs were all there like at an airport so it was just simpler. Plus, it came out to about the same price as the Uber. Got to the hotel in Harvey across the river and, whew, my car was there and unharmed. Packed Hulk up and headed on home. Left New Orleans at 9:30 am Central Time and got home right about 9:30 pm Eastern. What a shit ton of traffic though. For a Sunday?! Especially on I-75 South from the I-10 interchange all the way to the Florida's Turnpike. And there too it was exceptionally jammed with traffic. A lot of 18-wheelers all throughout. Whew!
So now I'm home, candles burning to create a calming atmosphere but also to dial back the stale carpet smell which, when I'm here everyday, I tend to forget permeates this apartment. Being away for a week makes it all fresh to my nostrils again.
Time to kick back this week and relax. After all, I really do need to take a vacation after the physical and mental stresses of my vacation!