You know that feeling when you haven't got a worry in the world? Everything's just as great as it can be and you're content and fulfilled, overjoyed with a bubbly zeal and Zen satisfaction? No? Well neither do I.
But lately I've been really starting to feel a bit freaked out. This past month of July has not been so great to say the least.
Of course there's the big health scare at the start of the month and all that drama you can read about here. And the ever growing debt bubble which these medical services I've undergone in the past few weeks, including that hospital stay, are going to inflate even more. And, of course, now that unemployment has run out, the total lack of any income.
I've got one less molar which will alter the way I chew forever, I'm on more blood pressure meds, I weigh over 312 lbs. with no real drive to make a dent in that, my toes were shown to have bone spurs which causes constant ache ratcheting up into outright pain when standing or walking at any length, the bill from the hospital stay alone is over $35,000 and if I'm reading my benefits page correctly, I'll be asked to fork over 25% of that (I haven't got any bill yet though), I got my CPAP machine but after trying it for a week, I just plain hate it and I think I'll take it back since they'll charge me for it each month if I don't use it, and they'll know since it has a cellular device in it that transmits my usage to them, and, obviously, I still suffer from chronic "run-on sentence-itis."
The debt bubble is up to just over $20,000 now and yet I bought even MORE gold (since the price is dropping so low) yet if today's visit to a local coin dealer is any indication, there may be trouble in getting a return on all this "investment" since the old lady (after she called her hubby who "deals with the coins") offered me a measly $970 for my Maple Leaf. Yes, spot is dropping and it actually plummeted today by almost $9 so far (3:45 pm) but $970 is an insult. Spot is still over $1200...though, again, it may not be for long.
My FICO is dropping just as much as my gold is. The algorithms must have been triggered. I'm still way under 30% debt ratio across all accounts but I think it's the rapid speed of the accumulation of debt and its volume compared to my "income." I think this formula is the debt to income ratio and for someone supposedly making just $42,000 a year (which is the very loosely computed grand total I've been telling them for a year or so now) racking up 20K in CC debt in just a couple months...warning signs galore, I'm sure. Oh, but, BTW, my score's still above 725 so I got two new credit cards to "help me out." Oh Brother!
And finally, to make my nerves even more jittery, my requested distribution of my 403b went through and will be rolled over into my newly-opened Schwab account...eventually. It got mailed by check to Schwab last Thursday but it still hasn't been deposited. I called OneAmerica and the rep said, as I knew, it could take up to 7 to 10 business days la-de-da. Yea, I know, but first class mail really only takes a day or two, I mean, who's draggin' their ass here? Meanwhile my money isn't earning squat while it sits in a Number 10 envelope presumably somewhere between Minnesota and Texas.
I was a lot more "happy go lucky" back in 2010 during that stint of unemployment and had a lot less savings and assests to rely on. But I'm older and ever more jaded now. My social anxiety is also cranked up there on "full blast" and I have no desire to actually look for a job. If I keep going this way, I may end up like Mel Brooks in "High Anxiety."
I'd like my medication now Nurse Diesel.
