Back in '92. (Back In Ninety Two or BINT)
25 years ago.
I've posted a lot about this time, most notably here, and tried in recent years to re-capture the spirit of that time. Funny pun in the word "spirit" used above since it was all about spirits, ie: alcohol.
Like then, I feel very much the same as I remember feeling just before the Smashing Glass Incident. I feel like a sad hamster on a squeaky metal wheel in my cage, running awkwardly as fast as I can inside that wheel but, of course, getting nowhere.
I've always had a thing, almost an autistic thing for anniversaries of milestone events in a timeline. Especially milestones in my life.
Can I utilize that impetus to help mark this anniversary year as the point at which I made the commitment to go back to the spirit of twenty five years ago? Not sure. I thought the 20th anniversary would be powerful enough to do just that but that didn't work out then. Aw heck, I didn't even really try until a year later when I first went on the Phen (aka Rainbow Magic).
What was the key element that two and a half decades ago?
Oft times I think it was the actual smashing of the glass.
Many times I figured it must have been the "coming out" as an alcoholic who'd lost control...not just to myself but to someone I loved.
I've discovered through the years of thinking back to this time that many unconscious decisions were made by me leading up to the inevitability of the events that spring.
Little things like self-demoting, then eventually demoting yet another "rank" lower and transferring to night shift. Picking up and taking home that one-night-stand while I was still living at Logee...why? So he could see the way I was living and shy away the next morning? 'Cause that's what happened. How about dramatically up-ing my usage level seemingly overnight that early spring, just before smashing glass. Whereas historically I stuck almost exclusively to beer, suddenly I was drinking 12-packs of it warm from the side of my bed along with a few swigs from bottle of Jim Beam every day.
All I know for sure is I need to jump back on the wagon sometime soon. May as well be in this Silver Jubilee year because there's no fucking way at this rate I'd be able to keep treading this crazy-ass wheel until the Golden Anniversary rolls 'round.
25 years ago.
I've posted a lot about this time, most notably here, and tried in recent years to re-capture the spirit of that time. Funny pun in the word "spirit" used above since it was all about spirits, ie: alcohol.
Like then, I feel very much the same as I remember feeling just before the Smashing Glass Incident. I feel like a sad hamster on a squeaky metal wheel in my cage, running awkwardly as fast as I can inside that wheel but, of course, getting nowhere.
I've always had a thing, almost an autistic thing for anniversaries of milestone events in a timeline. Especially milestones in my life.
Can I utilize that impetus to help mark this anniversary year as the point at which I made the commitment to go back to the spirit of twenty five years ago? Not sure. I thought the 20th anniversary would be powerful enough to do just that but that didn't work out then. Aw heck, I didn't even really try until a year later when I first went on the Phen (aka Rainbow Magic).
What was the key element that two and a half decades ago?
Oft times I think it was the actual smashing of the glass.
Many times I figured it must have been the "coming out" as an alcoholic who'd lost control...not just to myself but to someone I loved.
I've discovered through the years of thinking back to this time that many unconscious decisions were made by me leading up to the inevitability of the events that spring.
Little things like self-demoting, then eventually demoting yet another "rank" lower and transferring to night shift. Picking up and taking home that one-night-stand while I was still living at Logee...why? So he could see the way I was living and shy away the next morning? 'Cause that's what happened. How about dramatically up-ing my usage level seemingly overnight that early spring, just before smashing glass. Whereas historically I stuck almost exclusively to beer, suddenly I was drinking 12-packs of it warm from the side of my bed along with a few swigs from bottle of Jim Beam every day.
All I know for sure is I need to jump back on the wagon sometime soon. May as well be in this Silver Jubilee year because there's no fucking way at this rate I'd be able to keep treading this crazy-ass wheel until the Golden Anniversary rolls 'round.