I know it doesn't help one bit to be so totally pessimistic but frankly I've traveled down this path so many times I could run it blindfolded.
I'm talking about starting another
321 pounds.
I've been very bad over the past few months. I think it started around the holidays last year. Remember I was making Jewish Coffee Cakes and eating like it was Thanksgiving Day every day. And, of course, drinking almost every day. My usual Six Pack Plus (a 6-pack plus, usually some high-end IPA and a 25 oz. oilcan of Fosters)
Putting the disgust over my body, the health issues stemming from it and the side-effects of over-indulging aside, the big motivator this week was a stupid YouTube video showing dashcam footage of a guy on an ATV bike driving around a bend on a thin dirt road. He is surprised to find the truck our dashcam is mounted to trying to drive in the opposite direction and there was no room for the two of them to pass each other. Logically, someone would have to back up. But this ATV'er who, BTW, was probably at least 400 lbs., gets this stubborn scowl on his face and thinks he can just pass the oncoming vehicle by going a bit off-road. Problem is, the road is flanked on both sides by rather steep elevation. Too steep to even walk on let alone drive. But he's stubborn so he tries it. And of course he tips right over rolling back to the path onto his big fat ass.
"This is me," I thought to myself after a good laugh. This is how fat people like us get this way. We want what we want and we don't care about the consequences. Like him wanting to pass that truck and not have to wait, I'm sure he's that way with food. He wants as much as he can fit in his stomach and he's back for more in just a few hours.
This selfishness and greed and stubbornness has got to stop. At least for me. I can't keep living this way.
Will I go back to MyFitnessPal? Will I eliminate carbs? Will I juice? Will I go on walks? Will I even touch the 10lb. dumbbells in my closet? Will I really stop drinking?
Not a good sign: Today was Bread Giveaway Day here at work as it is every other Thursday. Among the breads, a single box of assorted donuts, unclaimed by either of the other two shifts who, no doubt, swept through the pile of bakery goods to scoff up all the best stuff. I already snatched it and gobbled down one of the donuts as dessert to my lunch of brats and rice pilaf.
Just begun and already heading in the wrong direction.