On a night like tonight where I'm feeling mighty low and really don't give a shit if I live or die, one thing keeps me going...I have this burning desire to just outlive my father.
I can't die before him.
My feelings for my father have always...yes, ALWAYS been negative. I've always known I was a disappointment to him for various reasons and I've always felt like he was a stupid, loser bully who strutted around like they owned the world and treated people like shit. I never loved him.
Oh when I was a kid I kissed him goodnight before going to bed and we said our I love yous but neither of us meant it, surely. His wet, beer-scented, clammy kisses were disgusting. He smelled of sweat, cheap aftershave, stale beer and cigarette smoke. His bristly mustache didn't tickle, it scratched and pricked my tender boy lips. We kissed goodnight until I was well into puberty. I felt absolutely no desire for him, but was that feeling mutual? Or did he constantly fantasize about fucking his first born baby boy in the ass?
He's 74 now. It's just a matter of time.
I can't die before him.
My feelings for my father have always...yes, ALWAYS been negative. I've always known I was a disappointment to him for various reasons and I've always felt like he was a stupid, loser bully who strutted around like they owned the world and treated people like shit. I never loved him.
Oh when I was a kid I kissed him goodnight before going to bed and we said our I love yous but neither of us meant it, surely. His wet, beer-scented, clammy kisses were disgusting. He smelled of sweat, cheap aftershave, stale beer and cigarette smoke. His bristly mustache didn't tickle, it scratched and pricked my tender boy lips. We kissed goodnight until I was well into puberty. I felt absolutely no desire for him, but was that feeling mutual? Or did he constantly fantasize about fucking his first born baby boy in the ass?
He's 74 now. It's just a matter of time.