Remember my dismay over the death of John Pinette back in April? It affected me quite a lot. Not only because I'd loved his humor but mainly because I saw myself in him. I too was (and still am) morbidly obese and, probably like him, since all comedians are assumed to be, loving the ability to laugh at oneself but unable to find a meaningful connection with people who truly know our internal pain.
While this may sound on the surface totally contradictory, I will attest that in fact, it's totally true. The inner pain one feels, at least for me and perhaps many well known comedians, is expressed easily on the stage as fodder for the amusement of the audience. But, inside, the pain exists on. And festers, year after year.
Robin Williams was an idol to me. Perhaps to many of my generation. I thought his energetic portrayal of Mork when I first laid eyes on him as a minor character on "Happy Days" was exactly what I would assume an alien would do if immersed in 20th century America. It would be utterly confused and super-excited at the same time, just like Mork. He nailed it and it was hilarious because of it.
Of his many movies afterwards I personally felt "Good Morning, America!", "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "Good Will Hunting", as many news memorials in the past few days have been mentioning, to be some of his best. But I also loved some of my personal favorites which don't always make the list of bests for him, namely: "One Hour Photo", "Hook", "Toys", "Cadillac Man", "The Birdcage", "Awakenings" and "Bicentennial Man."
"Bicentennial Man" is most interesting in light of this week's events. In it, as you may remember, he plays a robot that "evolves" via technological advancement through time into a "human." Even though he is fully aware that this transformation will turn him from an essentially immortal being into a very mortal one. He chooses this since he wants to experience the emotional life of a human, with all its ups and downs, as opposed to the unemotional existence of a robot. He gives up immortality and embraces the reality of unavoidable and eventual death in order to simply feel.
You've left behind a befuddled and depressed fan world, stuck here in the land of the living, Robin. I know this wasn't your intent. But I can only hope that whatever horrific cobwebs were making your life a terror have finally subsided. I totally "get-it". Addiction is a bitch. Believe me, I know. I just hope I don't find the only way out is the way you chose. Ya, in a way, this is a bittersweet goodbye. You've left more scary questions than warm, heartfelt humor-filled answers. We know, in reality, it's not all fun and games, but for people like you, we expected an opposing viewpoint, right to the end. Sorry to sound bitter, but you probably have caused thousands of people, if not millions who suffer with addiction and depression to think your solution may actually be the only logical one after all.