So said the readout on the scale.
The evil, evil scale.
LIES!!!!
No, not lies, unfortunately it's the truth. It's all back. All the weight I lost last summer is back. And the way I've been behaving lately, it looks like I may be heading for even higher numbers yet.
The fatigue is back, the aches and pains, the heavy breathing when walking from my car to my door. My clothes fit tighter, I can't sleep well since I can't get into a comfortable position that will accommodate my big belly and I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror.
I feel like such a loser. Depression and apathy are starting to take hold. When will this downward spiral end?
I've tried to cut out drinking. I do okay for a couple of days but it's gotten to the point where I have to stay indoors day and night, not going outside for fear of pulling into a store and "buying." And while there, I figure I may as well get some crap food to go with the beer. They put the junk food in the same aisle as the beer. They know what they're doing, those evil grocers. Fuck you, Publix! Preying on us carb addicts.
That's what I'm inclined to think is at the root of my addictions, by the way: Carbs. The cravings I get for beer are the same I get for pasta, pizza or snack chips. All carbs. It has to be, right? I've heard of starch addictions before. Something to do with the glutens or shit like that. I guess I'll scout it out a bit more, when I feel like it.
You see, right there, that last bit I said just then..."when I feel like it." That's the dangerous part of all this mess. The apathy. Like I don't really give a shit. Huh?! I mean, who ever thinks they'd get to a point where they don't give a shit about themselves? Is there a polar opposite to narcissism? Self-loathing, I guess.
I'd type more shit about how fat and lazy I am but my pants are tight and it's uncomfortable sitting up at a keyboard. I need to sit back to make room for my massive stomach.
*Creak* Oh shit, the chair sounds like it's fixin' to break right under me.
Where's Jay with that gun when I need him?
The evil, evil scale.
LIES!!!!
No, not lies, unfortunately it's the truth. It's all back. All the weight I lost last summer is back. And the way I've been behaving lately, it looks like I may be heading for even higher numbers yet.
The fatigue is back, the aches and pains, the heavy breathing when walking from my car to my door. My clothes fit tighter, I can't sleep well since I can't get into a comfortable position that will accommodate my big belly and I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror.
I feel like such a loser. Depression and apathy are starting to take hold. When will this downward spiral end?
I've tried to cut out drinking. I do okay for a couple of days but it's gotten to the point where I have to stay indoors day and night, not going outside for fear of pulling into a store and "buying." And while there, I figure I may as well get some crap food to go with the beer. They put the junk food in the same aisle as the beer. They know what they're doing, those evil grocers. Fuck you, Publix! Preying on us carb addicts.
That's what I'm inclined to think is at the root of my addictions, by the way: Carbs. The cravings I get for beer are the same I get for pasta, pizza or snack chips. All carbs. It has to be, right? I've heard of starch addictions before. Something to do with the glutens or shit like that. I guess I'll scout it out a bit more, when I feel like it.
You see, right there, that last bit I said just then..."when I feel like it." That's the dangerous part of all this mess. The apathy. Like I don't really give a shit. Huh?! I mean, who ever thinks they'd get to a point where they don't give a shit about themselves? Is there a polar opposite to narcissism? Self-loathing, I guess.
I'd type more shit about how fat and lazy I am but my pants are tight and it's uncomfortable sitting up at a keyboard. I need to sit back to make room for my massive stomach.
*Creak* Oh shit, the chair sounds like it's fixin' to break right under me.
Where's Jay with that gun when I need him?