Hell No!

One time, back in the day when Jay and I used to go to the parks regularly, we saw a fat guy walking past, and I jokingly instructed that if I ever got that big, I'd want him to shoot me. Well don't you know it came to fruition a few years later when I surpassed the 300 pound mark and realized, regrettably, that I had become the size of that guy in the park. Fortunately, Jay wasn't around anymore to carry out my order.

But the memory of that day didn't stop me from continuing to gain. By 2009 when I couldn't fit on roller coasters anymore, I'm pretty sure there was at least one person seeing me in the parks and asking their friend to shoot them if they got as big as me.

So now I see this in my news feed today: Saudi man airlifted to hospital for multiple life-threatening health issues as a result of weighing 1,345 pounds. (Some articles reporting on this didn't include the comma after the 1. I think it needs to go there for emphasis. If you hit four digits in weight, you deserve the comma.)

I wouldn't even think of any snarky comment like "shoot me if I ever get that big" since it may, like before, be ironically prophetic. But as an example of our modern society I will facetiously congratulate Saudi Arabia (or at least some of its populace) and welcome them to the decadent problems of the First World.

When forklifts come to rescue your fattest citizens...you know you've arrived!