Shit is gettin' real, son!
Like the comic-yet-sardonic "Sour Ground" mock conversation I posted a couple weeks ago implies, I've come back to an old familiar place. The precipice of the abyss.
Publix Crises, the 21st century, Florida-centric equivalent of the '90's Christie Syndromes, have escalated as of the past few weeks and Mr. Hyde is unfortunately usually the winner of the self-psychobattle. Dr. Jeckyll got to smugly pour the majority of a Corona Light 12-pack down the drain last Monday but his proud victory celebration was, alas, short-lived...replacements were eagerly and nonchalantly guzzled before the week was out. Oh the endless war within myself that rages unabatedly! R.L. Stevenson must surely have been, or known well, an alcoholic.
But we'll not blame it all on the brewskis. The Fabulous Phen Rainbow Magic has faded considerably and its effects are now relegated to a subtle suggestion of satiation after eating...if I care to listen to its now-weakened whispers. Yet challenging and bizarre side effects abound and are becoming stronger than ever:
*A relentless unconscious and almost irresistible urge to chew the insides of my mouth and lips, at times to the point of drawing blood.
*The enhanced and intensified orgasms, very much like those when taking Phen's cousin, PPA back in the day, have mutated into a somewhat less intense, yet oddly unfamiliar, over-stimulation of seminal fluid (pre-cum) and subsequent rather messy orgasm.
*A down-right-bipolar-like mania presenting as an intensely loquacious burst of chelation directly following the absorption of the drug in my system. If alone during these times, you'd think it would minimize the verbalization. Nope. I can have hours long rather convoluted and complex conversations with myself. Even to the point of out-right arguments. Not really new, to be honest, but now I let my social mask down and don't care if others hear. Some of my co-workers probably think I'm readying myself to become like our residents, if I'm not already there as it is.
Oh, and the religiously-regular 3:00 am visits to the fitness center to transform into Speed Racer? The seat of that stationary bike has not borne the weight of my fat ass for a month now. Too tired, too achy, too busy, and even too hungover. Blah, blah, blah. And those 10-pound iron dumbbells I bought a few weeks ago? Sitting on the floor in my closet untouched since the day I brought them home from the store and dropped them there.
All these challenges aside though, in terms of my weight loss goal, I've definitely slowed my pace but I'm not really out of the race yet. Big ass plateau for sure but, as the data show, still losing. Only a few more pounds in the last 30 days, but losing nevertheless.
And seriously, though I stand at the edge of a great abyss right now, I think I can muster through it. The big issue will be: What am I going to be up against when I completely cease the Phen? Weird side effects not withstanding, the gentle whispers of suggested fullness ARE there, with Phen. Without it...I fear, not only will the friendly whisper vanish but I think something else...something that may have been held at bay by the Rainbow Magic powers...something else, will be there instead.
What will it be?
Not sure. But I have the sickly, sweaty-palm feeling that it won't want to play nice.
Like the comic-yet-sardonic "Sour Ground" mock conversation I posted a couple weeks ago implies, I've come back to an old familiar place. The precipice of the abyss.
Publix Crises, the 21st century, Florida-centric equivalent of the '90's Christie Syndromes, have escalated as of the past few weeks and Mr. Hyde is unfortunately usually the winner of the self-psychobattle. Dr. Jeckyll got to smugly pour the majority of a Corona Light 12-pack down the drain last Monday but his proud victory celebration was, alas, short-lived...replacements were eagerly and nonchalantly guzzled before the week was out. Oh the endless war within myself that rages unabatedly! R.L. Stevenson must surely have been, or known well, an alcoholic.
But we'll not blame it all on the brewskis. The Fabulous Phen Rainbow Magic has faded considerably and its effects are now relegated to a subtle suggestion of satiation after eating...if I care to listen to its now-weakened whispers. Yet challenging and bizarre side effects abound and are becoming stronger than ever:
*A relentless unconscious and almost irresistible urge to chew the insides of my mouth and lips, at times to the point of drawing blood.
*The enhanced and intensified orgasms, very much like those when taking Phen's cousin, PPA back in the day, have mutated into a somewhat less intense, yet oddly unfamiliar, over-stimulation of seminal fluid (pre-cum) and subsequent rather messy orgasm.
*A down-right-bipolar-like mania presenting as an intensely loquacious burst of chelation directly following the absorption of the drug in my system. If alone during these times, you'd think it would minimize the verbalization. Nope. I can have hours long rather convoluted and complex conversations with myself. Even to the point of out-right arguments. Not really new, to be honest, but now I let my social mask down and don't care if others hear. Some of my co-workers probably think I'm readying myself to become like our residents, if I'm not already there as it is.
Oh, and the religiously-regular 3:00 am visits to the fitness center to transform into Speed Racer? The seat of that stationary bike has not borne the weight of my fat ass for a month now. Too tired, too achy, too busy, and even too hungover. Blah, blah, blah. And those 10-pound iron dumbbells I bought a few weeks ago? Sitting on the floor in my closet untouched since the day I brought them home from the store and dropped them there.
All these challenges aside though, in terms of my weight loss goal, I've definitely slowed my pace but I'm not really out of the race yet. Big ass plateau for sure but, as the data show, still losing. Only a few more pounds in the last 30 days, but losing nevertheless.
And seriously, though I stand at the edge of a great abyss right now, I think I can muster through it. The big issue will be: What am I going to be up against when I completely cease the Phen? Weird side effects not withstanding, the gentle whispers of suggested fullness ARE there, with Phen. Without it...I fear, not only will the friendly whisper vanish but I think something else...something that may have been held at bay by the Rainbow Magic powers...something else, will be there instead.
What will it be?
Not sure. But I have the sickly, sweaty-palm feeling that it won't want to play nice.