This year's Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios Florida was just not worth it.
Here's a little rundown of my less-than-spectacular experience of last night.
First thing that got me was the cost of admission. About $43 with tax. And that's after the "Florida residents" discount using a promo code from a Burger King purchase. Notice I put Florida residents in quotes...that's because the only verification they did of my residency status was to ask me what my zip code was. Um, couldn't out-of-state tourists just give a local zip code and get the "exclusive" discount for themselves?
I remember when a HHN ticket was less than $20. Those were, I guess, the good old days. Which brings me to my next point about last night's events, the security.
I fully realize there has to be a good amount of security but there's also a point when overcompensation can bog down an event such as having people wait in an unorganized throng outside the metal detector perimeter set up even before anyone gets to the ticket windows or gates themselves. Huh?
I had to stand in this mess inching forward ever so slowly for almost 45 minutes. It reminded me of the opening day for the Harry Potter installation at IOA. Click here to check out that fiasco.
And they even made us take our belts off. Really?
Once I was finally in the gates, I needed a beer. Luckily there was a nearby cart with virtually no wait. The beer price was expectedly high ($6.50 for a 16 oz. can of Heineken) but for some reason they aren't supplying some carts with cash registers that produce paper receipts for credit card purchases so they have patrons enter in any tip and then sign for the purchase via the seller's cell phone. I was wearing my contacts so I couldn't read the tiny iPhone screen so she clicked it forward for me. I did my usual nonsense scribble to sign for it. I wonder how much of a tip she allocated for herself? I guess I'll know when I check my transactions for that card online.
On the HHN website, there's a kind of a scavenger hunt game featured where participants can get a special game tag on a lanyard which has the ability to record your progress through the haunted houses when you touch it to a specially-marked receiver upon exiting. Like a security badge.
Well finding out where to get the badge was a chore with misdirecting information booth staff and clueless guest services staff. Once I got to where I needed to be, it wasn't much better seeing it would have meant waiting in line with others not only wanting the pass, but also stroller and wheelchair rentals. There were 12 people in front of me in line and few staff helping. So I abandoned that idea and just walked away.
I made my way to the right and came upon a choice to either enter Universal's House of Horrors or Alice Cooper: Welcome to my Nightmare. For some reason, I thought they had done each of these houses, or at least the same concepts, in past years. Either one was stated to be a 45 minute wait. I chose the House of Horrors since I figured I could continue moving in a counter-clockwise fashion and complete each of the 7 haunted houses before the end of the night. Yeah, right. 45 minutes was more like an hour and a half and once inside, the house was amateurish and crude. High school fundraiser haunted houses do better in the suburbs.
The only good thing about the haunted house experience though...the in-queue beer kiosks. they make the time pass a little nicer.
I wanted to continue on to the Penn and Teller house but I also wanted to make sure I got good seating at one of the Bill and Ted Shows. Since it was 8:45 and the next Bill and Ted's was at 9:15, I decided to make a bee-line to Bill and Ted's.
I did get really good seats for the show but finally sitting down and surveying the crowd I realized that the audience, in fact perhaps the whole park was very young. Many were teenagers and the majority seemed to be no older than 30. No problem, I thought, I like young people. But when it came to the Bill and Ted Show, I soon realized that these people have no real affection for these characters. I mean, they're their parent's generation! Sure enough, whenever Bill and Ted did their signature "Wild Stallion" moves or Valley Boy expressions, it was obviously lost on the crowd. They pretty much sat there, unimpressed.
The Bill and Ted's this year was everything I hoped it would be. It was the one shining light of the whole night. They spoofed everything from The Hunger Games to Honey Boo Boo to Snookie's baby to the presidential election to Gangnam Style. They even had a Mayan priest ushering in the end of the world.
The 20 Penny Circus was another story.
Last time I was at HHN, the Beetleguise Revue Theater had been used to present a live action send up of Rocky Horror Picture Show...it was fabulous!
Now they got some two-bit magic act which uses shills disguised as ordinary "audience members". Terrible shenanigans And the magic acts were incredibly lame. Not amused, just feeling abused.
After this show I headed over to Finnegan's and figured I'd be able to make up for the transgressions of the night with a libation or two. Well they removed all the bar seats, so it was table seating only and though I waited patiently for about 15 minutes, and it wasn't that busy, just understaffed, I still hadn't been able to order a drink.
It was time to leave.