The painting and its title were meaningless but I thought it looked cool. Plus, it only cost $5.
I thought I might profit someday if my classmate ever got famous sometime in the distant future. Well, that future is here but I no longer have the painting (lost in one of my many purges; I think I may have left it with Chiafalo) and I don't even remember the artist's name so I have no idea if he "made it". Probably not.
This post's title does, however, have a meaning...
Today is my one month anniversary of not drinking.
If "in program", as AA'ers call it, I would qualify for my first milestone token, awarded to any meeting attendee declaring their first full month of sobriety: a simple white poker chip.
I guess the idea is for it to be a portable little memento to keep the participant motivated. As months, then, hopefully, years go by in sobriety (and, unstated but heavily implied, "in program"), the member would be awarded chips in a varying array of colors signifying each landmark milestone in their journey. I think the chips even become metal medallions or something like that as the length of time being sober increases. Nothing meant to be of any significant monetary value...just likely priceless in sentimental value to the holder of the token.
Of course, not being "in program" or anything like it, I won't actually be looking to get any white chip, but it does bring to mind the last time I truly qualified. It's when I really did receive one as I was attending AA meetings shortly after my second DUI.
I had just been on a business trip in January of 2002 to Arizona. There I went out to a Mexican bar and eatery with a co-worker and had a few Coronas. Then without a thought, drove back to my hotel room in a rental car paid for by my employer. Drunk and with no valid licence.
It had been confiscated and suspended the month before when I was arrested. I used a duplicate I had gotten for a totally unrelated reason a while back to board the plane and rent the car.
The next day it hit me how stupid I was continuing to be. I was jeopardizing my job, my freedom, everything, for the temporary buzz of a few bottles of beer. So I started my first stalwart attempt at sobriety in years. I was determined to get back everything I'd lost.
It lasted only a little past that one month mark. When I went up during that meeting for my white chip, the speaker asked me if I wanted to say a few words. I told the group that I felt stronger and more positive than I had in years. I said I felt I was truly committed now to a life of sobriety. They applauded but one guy remarked with a smirk on his face how I would soon face a dilemma.
He said I may feel that way now but it was all based on false elation and premature confidence. He warned me I was on a "pink cloud" and would soon have to face reality: that it doesn't get rosier and I'd be facing some gritty challenges in the days and months, if not years, ahead. Others nodded and mumbled in agreement.
I went back to my seat and felt like the wind had been sucked rudely from my sails. It was like I'd been slapped in the face. I never went back to those meetings again. And before long I gave up on my brief flirt with sobriety as well.
Am I back on another pink cloud? Perhaps. But without the possibility of losers like that guy back then trying to knock me down, I think I may stay up here. For as long as I, and I alone, chose.
This time around, I'm sharing this anniversary pride with no one. No one except you.