What? Oh, you can't treat baking like that? Baking is a precise science and requires stringent adherence to the recipe for it to come out right?
Well bullocks to that, I say!
Here's the basic "starter" recipe I found on the web somewhere:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2/3 cup butter, melted
2/3 cup white sugar
3 eggs
1/3 cup milk
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1/2 cup orange marmalade
Directions
1.Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9 inch Bundt pan.
2.Sift together the flour, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves, set aside. In a medium bowl, stir together the sugar, melted butter, eggs, milk and lemon juice. Add dry ingredients to the egg mixture, mix until well blended. Finally, stir in the walnuts and marmalade. Pour batter into the prepared Bundt cake pan.
3.Bake for 45 to 60 minutes, until cake springs back when lightly touched. Cool for 10 minutes in the pan before inverting onto a wire rack to cool completely.
Well, I pooled all the ingredients I had and some others I had that were, ehem, similar. The ones I didn't have were omitted since it's 6:30 in the morning and I don't feel like going out shopping. Screw it.
So take away the nutmeg, the butter, the sugar, and the walnuts. And the milk, too.
Oh brother, you say, a cake with no butter or sugar. How wonderful.
Well, you'll see! I made substitutions.
I replaced the butter with canola oil and the sugar with Equal artificial sweetener.
What!? It'll be fine I tell you....FINE! It's still baking now as I write this but it looked good going into the loaf pan. What? No I didn't have the Bundt pan it calls for in the recipe, does it matter?
Also, I had some molasses and a fresh orange so I juiced the orange, added that and threw in half a cup of the molasses. I reduced the oil to 1/2 cup rather than the 2/3 cup of melted butter the recipe called for. Seemed like enough. Plus I needed to make room for the additional liquids. I reduced the cloves to just a pinch since I know how potent a spice it is. I wanted a smooth cake (barring the orange peel bits from the marmalade) anyway so I won't miss the walnuts. I'm nuts enough already. (Cue rim shot)
The batter looked and smelled rich and tasty when I poured it in the pan. When it's done, I'll take a picture, post it, then I'll let it cool. Once I've had a taste, I'll add whether it was a success or not.
Ding! It's done. Let's see here...
Um. It didn't rise much did it? Er, it looks like it kinda shrank, actually. Gulp. Well we'll see once it's cooled what it tastes like.
TASTE TEST: Smells great. Looks nicely golden brown, from the outside. But, slicing into it revealed a dense greyish, somewhat gelatinous mass. Nibble. A waft of mold. MOLD? Are you shitting me? Raw in the middle, unrisen hot, wet dough. Not very sweet. The smell, but no taste of cinnamon or orange. Inedible. Tossed it in the trash.
Epic fail.
Time to hang up my baker's apron.:(