Last Monday when coming home from work I was feelin' stressed so I stopped to pick up a four pack of tall boys (and a 25-oz Fosters for good measure). But after I'd polished them off I went out and picked up another 2 four packs! Needless to say, I had to call out the next morning.
Then I finished off a 12 pack on Tuesday and repeated the same action the next day, and the next.
Before you know it, I'd taken the rest of the work week out and was really, quite seriously considering calling the whole thing off.
Another Madame Defarge Crisis in less than a month. And this time, the old lady was threatening to hold on tight!
After some hard thought, and an alcohol-free night of sleep, I came to my senses this morning and reported in on time.
Not one person, not even my supervisor, questioned why I'd been out 4 days in a row. (Though I did leave a voicemail message last Friday for my temp agency supervisor stating that I'd been in the hospital.)
My pay will be reflective of only one day worked so this Friday will be a skimpy payday, but that's not a big concern. My big worry is about my sketchy mindset when drinking. I think I hit that stage where my subconscious (read: my disease) wants to create for me a lifestyle whereby I can drink unfettered without such pesky disturbances getting in the way like a job.
Though I've said it a million times, I, once again repeat the mantra: I HAVE to give up drinking. It's seriously messing with my ability to stick to the most fundamental of responsibilities. Damned this disease is insidious!
I'd seek professional help but the clinical, science-based, non-higher-power-crap, programs I think I'd respond to all require insurance, or lots of out-of-pocket coin, neither of which I have.
I'll just have to struggle along dealing with this on my own. As usual, the way it is with everything. I have no one to depend on but me.