Horrible Help Wanted Ads

Here are some real Craigslist ads only slightly edited to omit contact info and such (since I don't think they deserve to be contacted). It's not much fun looking for a job in this economic environment...almost everyone wants to screw you:

do you like to smile and talk to pepole?are you ful of energy?
we are looking for you in the "irisimprassion" fasion compeny.

only females are needed.preferd spanish or portuguese knowlage.
we pay base pluse commission.
pls e-mail us your phone and about you.can start right awey.


Perhaps you could serve as a rudimentary spell checker too?

CLOSERS !!!! ARE YOU LOOKING TO MAKE BIG $$$$
I am looking for loud , EXCITED , bulldog closers. If you are in customer service or like to be then this WILL NOT be for you. Sales reps in this industry are in the top 1 % of all americans in terms of income. We are a breed of our own. I am looking for the people that are tired of watching people make great livings and want to make a great living. I am looking for the best or those that want to be the best. I am in short looking for phone killers. Are you that guy or gal ? Can you see yourself making 10 - 20 k per month because you worked hard then this is were you belong. To qualify you must have miles of heart , drive , and self dedication.
****** YOU MUST ALSO HAVE TRANSPORTATION !
This is not a job for the weak. This is not a job for the whiners that like making 8-10.00 per hour. This is for KILLERS. This is for those people out there that MUST make six figures. If this is you then you can start on Monday !!!!! You have to prove that. You say that you are a closer I say that is a title that you must earn.
SALES - THE FEW , THE PROUD , THE WEALTHY !


Um, about that 8 - 10 dollars per hour...yeah, that's what you'll be makin'. Go get 'em, Tiger!

WERE YOU A CHEERLEADER OR ON THE SWIM TEAM IN HIGHSCHOOL OR COLLEGE? LOOKING FOR FEMALES BETWEEN THE AGES OF 18-26 FOR AMATEUR PICTURES OR VIDEO. NO NUDITY REQUIRED BUT YOU MUST BE OPEN MINDED. IF YOU STILL HAVE YOUR UNIFORM THATS A PLUS. IM LOOKING SPECIFICALLY FOR FORMER CHEERLEADERS OR SWIMMERS. YOU MUST BE OVER 18 WITH PROOF. EASY MONEY IN A RELAXED ATMOSPHERE

No nudity required. Well, except for your titties, bedunkadunk and coochie-cooch areas.

Italian director is looking for a young, cute, handsome, white, open mind and uninhibited actor/model fro the first role in the theatre production" The Houseboy" in Italy in May and in Florida later. Age 20 - 30 yo. The play contains some full frontal and rear nudity. It is not a porn show!

Oh, it's not porno...it's Digiorno! Oh, something will be self-rising...and it ain't pizza crust!

SIGN SPINNERS FRI-SAT-SUN- $7.50 AN HOUR
12PM-7PM- CALL xxx-xxx-xxxx
FIRST 2 CALLERS GET THE JOB.


It took me a second to figure out what a sign spinner was. Oh, those guys who stand out on the street corner trying to distract passing motorists. Hmmm, first 2 callers get the job. It's like a radio contest. Actually, of all these, this may be the best offer of the bunch.