I had a better title than the one above but due to my symptoms of what I call proto-dementia, I can't remember it.So many stresses have been weighing heavily on me these past couple weeks. And to make matters worse, what one day are solutions to problems, the next day they too become stresses. Basic example: My new doctor put me on Metformin for my diabetes, but it causes me to have diarrhea and I think it's contributing to my forgetfulness and Alzheimer's-like absent-mindedness.
To top it all off, I'm again experiencing sleep-loss, altered consciousness, insecurity and depression. My befuddled mind's solution for this: to develop a renewed passion to just go "embarqing". Embarqing is a new term to describe the overwhelming urge to quit your job, regardless of consequences. Like I did with the Embarq job...thus the name. Oh yes, I've done this action before, but I've just now come to terms with its potential omnipresence for the rest of my working life and have decided to name it for the last time it affected me in a major way.
I met with my new doctor this past Monday and she is so much more sympathetic than my old one. She laid out the facts for me, plain and true. I've got to change my ways. Of course I knew this but now that I've shared with her the true picture of my alcohol abuse and its role in the grand scheme of all my diseases and disorders, things are starting to congeal.
But I sit here and now wonder what good the more focused picture is. It still requires what I seem reticent to commit to; a total lifestyle change.
And lately, when I do seem to make motions towards a better way of living, I fall into a stupor. Not even a dream state, it's not that grand.
And when I come out of it, I'm back to the old ways, without a hitch or a twitch.
It's like I'd hit the rewind button, erasing all the good I'd accomplished and simply returned to doing what I was doing before. All memory of promises and minuscule progresses lost.
Makes me think that perhaps my dementia is no longer in the proto stage.