Earlier today, I was sitting in my car, stopped at the train tracks crossing Lake Mary Boulevard, waiting behind the red and white striped safety bar which had dropped in place a few seconds before I got to it. As the long CSX freight train passed by doing about 80 miles an hour, I kept wondering what would happen if it derailed just then. Surely at least some of its high speed cars would jump off the tracks and smash violently into my car, crushing me.But now as it nears midnight on this Sunday night before Labor Day, having nothing much to watch on TV, I flip quickly though the channels and I have to stop and watch a real train wreck happening on the screen in front of me.
Jerry Lewis is doing his now-quite-tired annual ritual of making an ass out of himself and various other has-been celebrities with his telethon. Well, at least he's raising money for a good cause. But really, at quite a cost if you choose to watch this crap.
He just got finished murdering a very schlocky-choreographed multi-singer dance number featuring "God Bless America". He broke down trying to bark out the lyrics, which he's apparently forgotten and yelled to his off-camera staff that he should have cue cards with the lyrics on them so he could sing the "Jesus lovin' song". He continued to embarrass the other on stage singers with his croaky, totally off and incorrectly worded rendition to which he clearly wasn't even trying. I mean, you could see him roll his eyes throughout the thing, like as if he was saying "Who cares about this fucking number? It sucks".
Well, I agree, Mr. Lewis, but your rather conservative old-fashioned audience would likely disagree as they certainly are singing gaily along since they do, of course, love America and feel that God needs to be blessing this land. And I mean, how lame are you that you don't remember the lyrics to God Bless America? Really? I'm an athiest and I know the lyrics.
Charo (yes that Charo...she's still kickin' it I guess) just finished a peppy little Latin number shaking her no doubt well-used and ancient, yet plastic surgery reconstructed "Coochy Coochy!".
Reba McIntyre came on briefly begging for more donations and now Maureen McGovern is singing "Feeling Groovy" followed by "Let it Be".
Yes Mr. Lewis you senile old dried up prune with your homophobic comments and your outdated jokes which no one alive gets anymore...
Let it be. It's time for you to retire.