As a non-existent god is my witness, today is, yet again, but this time for sure, the first day of the rest of my sober life.That's right. I'm giving up the hooch for good.
It doesn't take a psychoanalyst to see that I have a continuing problem with alcohol. A LONG continuing problem. Too long.
I've had it!
Around 12:30am I woke up, again, because my heart was racing so fast it felt like it was going to pop out of my chest.
Nauseous, I stumbled to the bathroom, puked in the toilet and tried to go back to sleep. Only to be faced with yet another night of insomnia. After a couple hours of just restless tossing and turning, I got up, pulled the 18-pack box holding the remaining 12 cans of Busch beer out of the fridge and one by one, opened each can and dumped the shit down the drain.
Yesterday afternoon while driving home from work, I was just planning to go home for the first evening of the week without stopping for beer. Unlike every other night, I was going to fore go drinking and give my body a rest. But instead I found myself making a turn into the neighborhood 7-Eleven. Why? Well, I remembered from the beer run the night before that they had their 18-packs of Busch and Busch Light on sale so, of course, I couldn't pass this savings opportunity up. So even though I didn't feel like drinking, I had to buy some since it was on sale.
Oh, and of course I had to buy Busch as opposed to Busch Light since I know that one of the reasons light beer is light is because it has a slightly diminished percentage of alcohol by volume. Less than one percent, but to my alchy mind, that was enough to be concerned over. Mustn't be cheated out of even a small fraction of that addictive chemical component.
Yes I'll go this journey alone again. The freakish atmosphere of AA meetings is not my cup of tea. I'm not a huggy-share-y sort, let alone the whole enormous conflict with the entire "Higher Power" business.
I expect it'll be rough, but as I've mentioned a thousand times, in written form, verbally, and just plain "thinkin' it", the payoff would be so very worth it. If only I can make it.
But it's like that trite saying which actually resonates so true:
A journey of a thousand miles starts with one small step.