How ironic it is that the ancient disease associated with affluence and excess seems to pop-up so frequently in my body which is defined by poverty and deprivation.I'm starting to suspect that it's not really and truly gout now. It's unassigned to any one joint and seems to drift across both feet, striking deep inside. If it is arthritic in nature, the affected joints may be the instigator, but the real pain and discomfort lies in the associated swelling and sensitivity. Again, like the late stages of my symptoms last month, the feet swell to rather large size, especially the dorsal side. I suspect this illness is more related to diabetes. That's more frightening than gout for sure. It's rare to hear of an amputation due to gout, but diabetes....well...
Aside from this I'm also in a big depression now too. I think of death almost constantly. Lately I feel like anything I do to try to improve my situation is all moot anyway. I'll probably be dead in a few years, so why bother. I have more and more panic attacks in the middle of the night thinking I'm going to have a heart attack preceded by a bad case of the fibs I had experienced before.
I've started to downgrade my beer purchases to Busch, a cheaper, yet still palatable brand. Have I decreased the amount of consumption? Er, no. Having all this free time is bad for that. I drink about an average of 3 12-packs a week. I think this spurs on my foot problems too.
Weight is probably around the 320's still. Don't really know. I stowed the scale up on top of one of the cabinets in the bathroom. I don't want to deal with it.
I've lowered my job prospects to now filling out applications with telemarketers. What a truly unheroic step back if I go there again. And it'll be so rewarding to my sense of depression and loneliness. Luckily I don't own a gun. I might be inclined to use it.
At least I have Ric back in my life. Yay. Looking forward to yet another weekend of drinking and listening to him lay into me about my weight and lack of faith in Jesus. Woo hoo. Wait 'till I tell him I have no job and am on the verge of homelessness again. Oh joy.