I woke begrudgingly, still under the sedative influence of the 3 Benedryl capsules taken to induce much-needed sleep in my restless body the night before. The drugs had finally taken effect by 2 am but the after effects were still present when the alarm clock announced it's obnoxious presence at 5:30 am. Though I need not be in work until 9:00, I had to wake now in order to catch my bus, which would, luck smiling on me, connect on time with the next bus I needed to get to Altamonte.
I got ready, dressed in slacks, dress shirt and necktie, and walked to the gate of Park Central, my luxury gated community which, in some ways, had become my own psychological prison. Though without automobile transportation staying here was more than tedious, it was oppressive, I was stubborn and wanted to retain the gain I had made. In the back of my mind that morning, and for some stubborn months to follow, it was more important for me to remain in my luxury apartment than it was to remain in my job.
Just a month earlier I turned down the prospect of a change in managerial position from a dual-location trainer to a one location supervisor stationed in the Altamonte office. But the planned prospect of buying a condo jointly with Ric churned as a bad idea in my stomach, and moving to the less centrally located northern metropolitan city of Altamonte Springs, in my minds eye, may have limited me in future employment prospects that may come available in Greater Orlando.
I sat at the bus stop bench and waited for the bus. When it didn't show within a few minutes as expected, I again studied my watch...I was on time...early in fact so I could not have missed it. After 15 more minutes, I realized that the bus just didn't come. That happened sometime. They sometimes just don't show up at all...no explanation.
I walked to the nearby corner McDonald's, ordered a coffee and sipped it at a lonely booth, the sun rising now, as I waited for the next hourly arrival of the bus. I got to the bench early, watched the sun rise in the sky, and noticed, that for the first time in many months, the air was dry and relatively cool. Ah, finally, a respite from the oppressive heat and humidity. It was going to be a great day.
The bus was on time for this hourly scheduled arrival here on Americana Blvd. and I got on, thinking about the excuse I'd need to creatively spin in order to avoid more trouble at work. I'd already pushed my luck too many times with my frequent absences on last minutes notice. Not the desired behavior at all for the only trainer for all new hires at the company's two Orlando area call centers.
But when the bus arrived at the downtown station, I made a split decision, which would haunt me for years. I stepped off the bus, looked around at my fellow bus riding citizens, and turned made my way to the entrance of the bus again, swiped my bus pass and sat down. That's right, I was going back home.
Why did I do this? I've asked myself so many times. I guess I was just tired of playing the game of the unaffected victim of my own dire court-imposed punishments. They had finally hit home and I saw the futility in trying to keep up appearances. But, then again, perhaps I was just overly tired due to the Benedryls and stress of late, and I just needed a day off. I just really don't know. It just came over me.
If I had been diligent and called in to make a crafty excuse, I might well have gotten away with just a mild admonishment from work. But, instead, I bought a 12-pack of beer, drank it by sundown, and walked to the store to get another.
One day went by, then another, and another. Each morning I told myself I would call in to work and make up something...by the end of the week, I said to myself that I'd now need to breakdown and apologize, claiming mental stress or a breakdown, but I didn't use any of the many excuses I invented to account for my actions. I just didn't show up for work each day, and I didn't bother to call in.
By the second week, I knew I'd made the decision to abandon my job. A comfortable management job in which I was being groomed for even higher positions in the company. My bosses had loved me and I was extremely popular with virtually all of the 300 or so employees of the two call centers, most of whom I had trained.
But the dry wisps of a pre-autumnal wind had blown across my psyche that morning, and with it, it had whisked away reason. I wanted to be free. Free of the shackles of my State-imposed predicament and able to do as I pleased.
No matter the consequences.
This was the fateful decision I somewhat subconsciously made that early morning, sitting on a bus stop bench, slowly sipping bitter McDonald's coffee from a paper cup, waiting on a bus I wasn't too sure would even arrive.
I got ready, dressed in slacks, dress shirt and necktie, and walked to the gate of Park Central, my luxury gated community which, in some ways, had become my own psychological prison. Though without automobile transportation staying here was more than tedious, it was oppressive, I was stubborn and wanted to retain the gain I had made. In the back of my mind that morning, and for some stubborn months to follow, it was more important for me to remain in my luxury apartment than it was to remain in my job.
Just a month earlier I turned down the prospect of a change in managerial position from a dual-location trainer to a one location supervisor stationed in the Altamonte office. But the planned prospect of buying a condo jointly with Ric churned as a bad idea in my stomach, and moving to the less centrally located northern metropolitan city of Altamonte Springs, in my minds eye, may have limited me in future employment prospects that may come available in Greater Orlando.
I sat at the bus stop bench and waited for the bus. When it didn't show within a few minutes as expected, I again studied my watch...I was on time...early in fact so I could not have missed it. After 15 more minutes, I realized that the bus just didn't come. That happened sometime. They sometimes just don't show up at all...no explanation.
I walked to the nearby corner McDonald's, ordered a coffee and sipped it at a lonely booth, the sun rising now, as I waited for the next hourly arrival of the bus. I got to the bench early, watched the sun rise in the sky, and noticed, that for the first time in many months, the air was dry and relatively cool. Ah, finally, a respite from the oppressive heat and humidity. It was going to be a great day.
The bus was on time for this hourly scheduled arrival here on Americana Blvd. and I got on, thinking about the excuse I'd need to creatively spin in order to avoid more trouble at work. I'd already pushed my luck too many times with my frequent absences on last minutes notice. Not the desired behavior at all for the only trainer for all new hires at the company's two Orlando area call centers.
But when the bus arrived at the downtown station, I made a split decision, which would haunt me for years. I stepped off the bus, looked around at my fellow bus riding citizens, and turned made my way to the entrance of the bus again, swiped my bus pass and sat down. That's right, I was going back home.
Why did I do this? I've asked myself so many times. I guess I was just tired of playing the game of the unaffected victim of my own dire court-imposed punishments. They had finally hit home and I saw the futility in trying to keep up appearances. But, then again, perhaps I was just overly tired due to the Benedryls and stress of late, and I just needed a day off. I just really don't know. It just came over me.
If I had been diligent and called in to make a crafty excuse, I might well have gotten away with just a mild admonishment from work. But, instead, I bought a 12-pack of beer, drank it by sundown, and walked to the store to get another.
One day went by, then another, and another. Each morning I told myself I would call in to work and make up something...by the end of the week, I said to myself that I'd now need to breakdown and apologize, claiming mental stress or a breakdown, but I didn't use any of the many excuses I invented to account for my actions. I just didn't show up for work each day, and I didn't bother to call in.
By the second week, I knew I'd made the decision to abandon my job. A comfortable management job in which I was being groomed for even higher positions in the company. My bosses had loved me and I was extremely popular with virtually all of the 300 or so employees of the two call centers, most of whom I had trained.
But the dry wisps of a pre-autumnal wind had blown across my psyche that morning, and with it, it had whisked away reason. I wanted to be free. Free of the shackles of my State-imposed predicament and able to do as I pleased.
No matter the consequences.
This was the fateful decision I somewhat subconsciously made that early morning, sitting on a bus stop bench, slowly sipping bitter McDonald's coffee from a paper cup, waiting on a bus I wasn't too sure would even arrive.