The Saddest MySpace Page In The World


I've had my MySpace page for over a year now. I'm not the "social butterfly" type though and I see this site as just the venue for "those types". But I do live in the 21st century and so, I have my obligatory MySpace page.

As my hero Andy Warhol was noted for saying, "One day, in the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes of their lives", or something like that; I say, "One day, really soon, everyone will have to get a MySpace page".

(BTW, wouldn't Andy have LOVED the Internet and especially sites like MySpace!! Ah, taken too soon, alas!)

I want to do a parody site spoofing the vast number of MySpace profiles that seem to want to cram as much code on one page as humanly (or "computer-ly", in this case) possible.

I mean, you see some of these sites people (assumably teenagers) have created and you are struck by several common issues:

1. Unless you have a very good broadband connection, your browser, or indeed, your whole system will crash trying to open the massive quantity of data being downloaded: music players, high-res photos, animated gifs, Flash animation, widgets, unique icons and pointers, etc, etc, etc.

2. When the page is finally loaded, what you have before you is a lesson in Uber-Gawdyness! POW! BOOM! FLASH! SIZZLE! These kids think that if you have as many bells and whistles as possible, your site will be "cooler" than any of your friends. No, it will just be tackier! Have they ever heard of the term "Less Is More"?

3. Why have just a few friends that you can keep in touch with and actually grow a relationship with, when you can have thousands of "friends" with whom you know diddly squat except for a brief comment and glitzy clipart photo, usually animated, but always HILARIOUSLY FUNNY?

4. Ghetto is Good. Tacky ghetto design and layout, blaring rap and hip-hop featuring lyrics like: "...get your booty in my face, bitch, I gots to hit me some of that up in here! You gots to lick it 'fore we kick it, oooooh, yah...", and, of course, tons of gangsta homies and bitches leaving pointless "Wazzup?" messages in your comments section.

Notice my "under construction" MySpace profile page. (If you click on it, you can see details better...what little there are of them.)

Notice I have no comments.

Because I have only one friend: Tom, the friend everyone gets when you create your account.

But, you can see by the photo I added that I am a very hot guy. Just like so many others on MySpace, my personal photo is just a tad different from the real me.

Just a little bit.