Anything But The Appalachian Emergency Room

The gout was very stubborn and morphed over the past 2 weeks from a moderate attack causing 2 absences to a now persistent ache and occasional swelling and pain flare-up from what has likely become a new case of tendonitis or muscle sprain, affecting the mid-foot and probably caused by my lopsided attempts at walking on a foot not-yet recovered from the symptoms of gout. My gait was all off-balance and the gout caused me to shift weight awkwardly to the left side of the left foot and to place the majority of my body weight on the right foot.

So now, my toe joints (the gout affected area) of the left foot ache still, but are noticeably improving, the mid-foot/arch of the left foot is prone to dull aches and swell-ups and not so-rapidly improving since I have to walk on it, and my right foot is generally aching and slightly swollen. And to top it off, the now 3-year old heel tendonitis symptoms in both feet are flaring up again. Oh such joy!

I have been taking cabs and "mouching" rides (which I hate to do, and people, though they never admit it, hate to be asked), but have decided today to start walking again. It was slow going and achey but I think I avoid any worsening of any condition. We'll see, because last week when I tried to walk for any length on it it took a day but swelled up like a balloon and stayed that way for 2 days, virtually incapacitating me.

Here's the funny thing about the whole situation which focuses a little spotlight on the oblivion of "middle-class" America on the plight of the poor:
Almost everyone who has seen me hobble along at work has asked, "Have you seen the doctor?"

I don't fault them, it would have been my first reaction, too, for most of my adult life.

Damn, I remember rushing over to my fully-covered, no-co-pay HMO many years ago for what I thought was a stroke or something (turned out to be a sinus headache), and another time calling the hotline with severe chest pains (indigestion).

But in my state now, it would be foolish to visit a doctor.

1. I would have to come up with the full payment.
Like the post where I wrote about the "fleshy-blob" removal from my arm, the clinics around here require full payment upon completion of visit.

2. How would I get to the doctor's office?
Bus? There's still some walking needed.
If I was totally incapacitated and needed emergency medical attention, it would have to be a very costly ambulance ride.

3. Gout is a chronic condition.
There really isn't a cure. It can be minimized in frequency and severity of flare-ups with proper diet and reduction of weight (foods rich in "tannic?" (some aspect of the chemistry of the food) like nuts, meats (especially organ meats), red wine and such, cause build up of Uric Acid in the blood, and obesity and sleep-apnia (which I suspect I have) all contribute to the problem).
So a doctor would charge me an arm-and-a-leg (or in this case a foot) to tell me what I already learned for "free" from the Web, and tell me to take NSAIDS (Ibuprophen), which I am already doing.

4. When would I have time to visit a clinic...especially considering I have no personal doctor so I would be one of the "cattle", forced to tell the receiving nurses how bad I feel on a scale of 1 to 10.
And since "Crack-Whore-Yolanda" in front of me, with the fat lip she got for mouthin' off to her "Baby' Daddy" said she is at "Level 10", and "Trailer-Park-Patsy" with her 4 rug-rats is here for the youngest one who swallowed a razor blade that was left out on the mirror-top coffee table (gee, what was that doing there with the white powder residue on it?)...I'd be stuck waiting for HOURS!

From SNL:

...It's time for another episode of "Appalachian Emergency Room"...

(I'd be the guy who shows up each time with a highly improbable "accident" where some odd foreign object "somehow" got jammed up my ass!)